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Friday
Feb292008

Furniture Cluster#uck

My husband and I married when we were very young. We married so young not only because we were madly in lust love with one another, but after already birthing one baby and being five months pregnant with the next, my father was polishing his shotgun and starting to use Boo's picture for target practice.

Dad has deadly aim, so we figured (in the name of safety sake and Boo's preservation) we should probably make things legal. Besides, I couldn't find a nunnery that would take a horny 20 year old with an eight month old baby and one on the way.

So we stood up before God and our friends and family and pleaded for mercy. Er, said our vows. At the end of the ceremony, before we were pronounced man and wife, I asked my dad to finally put away his loaded shotgun. He complied but only before Boo's brother and my brother wrestled it out of his hands.

True story.

Because we married so young we didn't have a proverbial pot to piss in. We were dirt poor. At the time, I was the main bread earner because, well, I looked so good in pants. Never did I imagine I would be a stay at home wife, kept in the comfort provided off the earnings of my hard working husband as I spent my days loafing and surfing for internet porn.

How far we have come.

We struggled with early parenthood, being relative children ourselves, and finding our way in this cruel hard world we live in. Along the way we developed a deep and abiding love and respect for each other. But only when I wasn't screaming at him for forgetting to put the toilet seat down.

It was a tough road to travel. Several times we teetered on the brink of losing it all and each other, yet we always muddled through and found our way back to marital bliss and financial stability. Turns out, we both hate being poor and that motivated us to make smart choices and become financially responsible.

Early on, after we almost lost our home and were staring homelessness in the face, we made a promise to one another to never spend more than a hundred dollars with out running it past the other person. Groceries and bills were the exception to this rule, but everything else had to be cleared with our partner.

Such draconian efforts literally pulled our arses from the fire. We slowly became stable with our income, paid off our debts and now we are actually solvent. It is a wonderful feeling knowing in a matter of five years we will be completely financially independent.

But we still adhere to our one hundred dollar rule. Or rather, Boo does. I occasionally slip. I mean, I'm at home, by myself most days of the month and other than parenting, what else do I have to do other than surf the net than shop? Ha , ha.

This tends to annoy Boo, but because I'm such a wonderful wife, (stop laughing) he often forgives me.

Until yesterday. When he discovered that I broke the rules and bought furniture without even telling him. I know. BAD Tanis. Bad wife. Bad. I ought to be ashamed.

Oddly enough, I'm not. Cuz my new furniture is soooo purdee. The thing is, the furniture had to be delivered because I drive a station wagon and can't fit a four-poster bed and matching dresser in the back of my car no matter how hard I try.


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I figured once Boo came home from work and saw our new lovely bedroom he would be more forgiving once I waggled my eyes, patted the mattress and offered to christen our new home furnishings with him. Sex usually helps, I find, for all of you who haven't figured that out just yet. It's why I keep knee pads in the side table. I'm often asking for forgiveness.

The delivery truck was supposed to come on Wednesday but due to a mechanical problem, it was rescheduled for Thursday. I sat around my house, twiddling my thumbs and looking out the window waiting for a large truck to pull up into my drive way until it got dark.

Still no furniture. I called the store and they promised me the furniture was on the way, they were just running behind. They would be at my house no later than 8 p.m. Weird, I mean, who delivers furniture at night, but hell, as long as I'm getting my new bed, I'll be a happy girl.

The clock was ticking. It now became a race to see who came home first. My bed or my husband. My ass would be grass if my husband came home to find no bed since I had disassembled our old one and tossed it out on the deck. My visions of a romantic reunion on fancy new furniture were disappearing with every hour that past. I was starting to imagine the spanking I would receive and not the sexy type if you know what I mean.

Finally, at MIDNIGHT my furniture arrived. I live out in the middle of nowhere, in the dark and I'm a woman alone with kids sleeping in their beds. It was like a nightmare come true. Strange, creepy delivery men knocking at my door in the middle of the night. Common sense told me to send their asses home and tell them to come back when it's light out, but then common sense doesn't have a husband currently en route and unaware of the drama unfolding in his domain.

Granted, the delivery men were more interested in setting up my bed and getting the hell out of dodge than they were in raping and pillaging me, but still. I was more than mildy annoyed. The obscene amount of money I spent on this fancy furniture should at least guarantee me the safety of a daytime delivery. By men who didn't sport prison tattoos and look like they were looking for fresh meat.

So not only was I exhausted, but now I was freaked right the fack out. What the hell had I done? Furniture, no matter how lovely, is not worth this type of stress.

Thankfully, just as the men were loading the boxes into my home, my very confused husband pulled into the driveway. The man always did have exceptional timing. He was actually fairly calm, considering he just drove six hours to come home in the middle of the night to find two men alone in his bedroom with his wife.

Mind you, he did have a crow bar in his hand, so I guess that speaks volumes. By the time the four of us had set up the bed and dresser it was past TWO a.m.


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We crawled into our fabulous new bed and I waggled my eyes suggestively for forgiveness and all my darling husband could say was "Rub my neck. You'll pay for this later. I'm too damn tired right now."

Such sweeter words I have never heard, I thought to myself as I yawned and proceeded to give him the neck rub of his life. It really is better to ask for forgiveness than it is to beg for permission, I thought to myself slyly as I worked at the knots in his back.

That is until he rolled over and looked at me and told me it's a good thing I bought a poster bed. I could be expected to be chained to it for the duration of his stay at home.

Sigh. The price I have to pay for my slight financial indiscretions. It could have been worse, I suppose, he could have demanded I bring out the ole knee pads.

***Side note: Is it me, or do I have a right to be fraking mad about receiving a large furniture delivery at midnight? Is this usual? I never buy furniture so the delivery time took me by surprise. And for all of you wondering, I bought the furniture through ASHLEY furniture. It's beautiful, but after only getting five hours of sleep and the stress I endured waiting for the delivery, I'm not sure I would do it again. Thank God my husband came home when he did. But should I rip a strip off some unsuspecting manager's ass? What would you do?***

« I See Dead People | Main | I'm Letting it All Hang Out »

Reader Comments (91)

i think you pay good money for delivery and unless it's the kind of order where you pay EXTRA cash for "nighttime" delivery (wink wink) then nobody has any business doing any kind of business in your house at freakin' midnight.

seriously. best case scenario? you lose sleep. worst case? you're a woman alone in the boonies with kids in the house...half the people out there wouldn't have even let them in, especially with no advance call to warn you how late they'd be.

complain. play up the vulnerability of midnight/rural/woman alone/kids to protect thing...cause seriously, that's no way for a company to do business. you should get your $ back.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBon

I'd be ripping a strip! Or atleast getting my delivery fee back!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJacquie

Definitely call a manager and tell them what happened. That's not right. They broke their commitment to you re: 8pm delivery. That alone deserves a call. Sometimes we have to call people on their lack of integrity. You should definitely be getting a whole new kids bedroom set for your troubles...

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTangerine

sooooo wrong. wrong to the bazillionth degree.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

You complain, loudly, in store preferaly when the store is busy and full of customers. You mention shoddy customer service, how delivery was a day late AND delivered at midnight. You state how you will be reviewing this store on your blog and mention a local newspaper too. You ask for head office address.
You should get a refund or a credit note and an apology.

If not complain to head office because most companies will give you something.

(I complained about a wide screen tv because it was 2 days late being delivered & I was given a dvd/vcr player by way of an apology plus my choice of 6 dvd's).

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Regan

Midnight? WTF? When does that EVER happen? Business AND delivery hours should be roughly the same.

I think those guys were on their own schedule.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkris

I would be hopping mad, but also terrified! I am a big baby, still scared of the dark. I don't think I would have even answered the door. You should complain. Complain loudly. That is not acceptable.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Absolutely rip a strip. I'm not a strip-ripping kinda gal, but that would send even me over the edge. Complain loudly and demand the delivery fee be returned. It's the least they can do.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Awwww! We have that $100 rule too! (for some reason that's cute to me)

As far as the delivery, I have turned from a complainer to a move-oner. If you have your stuff and all is good with it, just have fun with the bed.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

I'm going to go with a good verbal lashing or two. There is no excuse for such a late delivery! (Other than creating a source of blog fodder, of course!)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Oh yeah... ripping a strip wouldn't even describe what I would do to them. They owe you, big time. Either the delivery fee back or well... something.

Let em have it T, after all the makin up you had to do with Boo to get out of hot water, seems the furniture place has some makin up to do with you.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaMichelsBabies

complain, loudly, until you get an apology and a discount.
use the wife home alone with two kids card, use the hubby drove a long way to come in and find no bed card, use the famous purple shirt.....but definately complain! midnight is not an acceptable time.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterali

there is something seriously wrong with a midnight delivery. seriously.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBananas

New here.

This exactly (almost exactly) happened to me with bedroom furniture delivery. It was effin late, my kids were sleeping, they had to walk by their room to get to mine, my husband was not home. They were very nice, but I was still ticked off. Different company though, and about 2 years ago.

The DirecTV guy also showed up at midnight, after my husband took off work to wait around for them all day. And they wanted to drill in our roof!! I hate DirecTV. WHO GOES TO SOMEONE's HOUSE AT MIDNIGHT??!!!

It's not right. (Way to dodge the bullet with a potentially mad husband, though!)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Complain. Complain.
Start out calm and collected and mature, you can do it. I know you can, then when and if they're unreasonable. Unleash your hellfury on them :-)
We've shopped Ashley before but ended up buying local.
Congrats on your new purchase, new beds rock!!
Have fun christening it, and make sure your tied up with something soft... you wouldn't want to mar your new bed :-)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrachel

You already know - rip a LARGE strip off their ass.
Delivery at midnight is totally unacceptable and completely unprofessional.
They are LUCKY Boo didnt bust that crowbar off in both of their asses.
Please let us know what happens.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkat

Call the manager and complain, however, Ashley HomeStores are independently owned and operated, so this may or may not work. Be nice, request a store credit for the alarming customer service. After you call, follow up with an email if you can pry an address out of the manager, a fax if you can't (fax number should be on your sales order). If the manager won't play ball, take the steps below.

Call the corporate headquarters in Arcadia, Wisconsin, and let them know how their licensee is doing business. Try calling 1-800-456-3058 and hitting 0, ask for HomeSTore corporate customer service. Be nice, but explain what happened and why it isn't ok. Tell them and the manager both that you would like a STORE CREDIT for the inconveniance. Corporate can pressure the store to make you "whole." I would also throw in the part about your husband and the crow bar haha. Good Luck

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterIWorkForAshley

I would complain, but try to remember, you catch more bees with honey (and vulnerability) than you do with vinegar.

The best way to get free sh*t out of the deal, is to calmly call them and explain how terrified you were when the delivery men showed up at midnight, after already being a day late.. and that you have two young children in the house.. Who were also afraid.

If they don't give you some sort of a refund, I would tell them that you are going to call the News, and have this matter addressed, because it is completely unsafe, especially since it would be quite a run for your kids to get to the neighbors house in case of an emergency. That usually works.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSydney

So very very wrong and incredible bad judgement by the drivers and company. Makes you wonder if the drivers are docked when they miss deliveries which means their workload is unrealistic (wouldn't be the first company to put all the pressure on the workers - the head office usually sees them as a dime a dozen - so if they complain, it's the next guy in line to take the job). But I'm babbling.

I'd complain and omg I can't wait until we get a house so I can get into the same trouble as you ;)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermotherbumper

I think I would rip them more than just a strip. Guess I should believe in the "more bees with honey" logic, but I don't. When you're mad and have a right to be, be mad. What a load of crap. I wouldn't let ANYONE in my home that late. No reason they should have delivery people out at that time of night. Unless, like Bon says, they're the nudge-nudge-wink-wink type delivery people.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

I've had a couple of friends recently get screwed by Ashley. Delivery time not met, 1 of them had to refuse delivery twice for damaged goods. Rip them a new one.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrainwolf

You really should make it clear that what happened is unacceptable. Many people have been in bed for hours by then! #5 has a point about doing it in store being generally effective. I however would try the calm phone call first and save the store for last. Make sure you talk to a store or general manager- not the 17 year old that manages the shipping schedules! My husband works in this type of sales and they should be more than happy (and not losing a thing) to give you a 20% refund plus shipping costs or a 30-40% store credit.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I ordered my furniture from Ashley too and found that their delivery people are hard to work with.

I would have a manager's ass in a sling if they showed up at midnight to deliver my furniture.

But, I'm so glad you got it! Yay!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Congratulations on the new furniture! Are we gonna get to see pics?

Glad hubby wasn't (too) upset! Yay!

And, hell, YES, I'd be talking to at least a manager today! Midnight?! That's freaking CRAZY!! Keep me posted!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStacey@Real World Mom

'The fuck??

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaria [Immoral Matriarch]

I have to delurk for this one... A friend of mine recently had a furniture delivery at 1am, yes ONE A-M. She too thought to send their butts packing, but she really wanted her furniture. Extremely unprofessional. Hope you enjoy your new goods!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

Dude. I would be so pissed at that delivery.

That manager better have some damn good knee pads in THEIR desk drawer.

(I'm just sayin...)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLoralee

When the brick was similarly ridiculously late delivering my things they ended up deciding (with some persuasion on my part) to give me some of their delivery and setup fee, you might try the same. :)

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I would throw the biggest fit in all the land and demand my delivery/setup fees back, if not a partial credit for the furniture. Creepy AND aggravating! I would have been a mad hopping toad of bitchiness.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermrs. chicken

At 8PM I would have called the store and canceled the delivery. If they said the men were in route, I'd tell them I will be fast asleep when they get here, so I'll leave a note on the door.

Since you took the delivery, I would call and ask for compensation since they inconvenienced you.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I would absolutely let them have it about the delivery time. That's unacceptable. I would also demand any delivery fees that you paid back.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLottifish

Honey, I think the handing over of large sums of money and then letting others take the lead is the rule of all furniture purchases.

We bought a very lovely sectional sofa from Pottery Barn. They set up a Saturday delivery at 5 pm. I thought odd, but what the heck, we wanted our new sofa (that is how they get ya). Hubby packed up the old sofa and loveseat and gave them to his sister. Then we waited. And waited. And waited. Around 8pm, severely pissed off because we were suppose to go out, we called Pottery Barn and gave them complete and utter hell. Our sofa arrived Monday. That is right, people, we were without living room furniture for a whole weekend. The best part is that they called me and asked if they could deliver it on Tues, because there wouldn't be a truck in our area. I say I don't care if you beg, borrow or steal a truck GET ME MY DAMN SOFA. I should let everyone know that we are not ones to drop anything, so the people at our local PB store and their headquarters heard from us practically every hour. I mean what else did we have to do, there was no place to sit.

I will say that PB made it up by giving us a $1000 gift card for our troubles. Now, that is what made everything all better.

Enjoy your new bed, you horn dog.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

I would say call and Bitch nicely. Do what I do, when someone suppose to come out and nevers show,,,I call the company and lie about every.
I tell them I had to take the day off of work (not),,,I'm a single mom (non), you get my drfit?

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPhilly

Ohhhhhh... Ashley Homestore... We paid the $80 delivery charge in 2006, and still had to wait 4! WEEKS! for our furniture to be delivered(sofa, loveseat, coffee table and end tables, and daybed) We waited all day on our delivery day, and they showed up after 9pm, and didn't even have all of our stuff. We ended up putting it all together because we wanted them out of our house! I called the store and they ended up giving me a $100 giftcard.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

um, you said midnight delivery?!? You should demand free side tables!! Or at the very least a refund of the delivery charge. That is totally insane. I'm pretty sure you can successfully call up a manager and get something to make it right for all the inconvenience (nerve-wrecked fear?) it caused you.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I would call them straight at head office and DEMAND a store certificate valued at 500$.

really. make them sweat.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercrazymumma

Call AND write a letter. Not an email, a real letter with like a signature and stuff.

I thought it was weird when you said that they were coming a midnight. But hey, I am in the boondocks and delivery is not worth the hassle, IF they turn up.

I would be asking for the delivery fee, a credit, a gift voucher for the local adult store (to get some furry handcuffs for that awesome bed *snigger*) and someone to come out and clean your bathroom.

Please tell me he didn't take a dump in there...... I would have made him go out in the woods.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Ashley, huh? My wife used to work at a combination Ashley/Furniture USA. They NEVER had people deliver at that time. That's just plain freaking weird.

I like the 100 dollar rule. I think my wife loves the fact that I am cheap, but sometimes she does get pissed that the first thing I always look at is the sticker price of anything rather than the quality of the item. We are looking at minivans now (ya think we don't have kids...my dream BMW is not even a dream anymore). We are researching and I think I'm driving her crazy with my cheapness...God help me spend some money!!!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSamok Daddy

That was SOOO bad but turned out well so yay!!

If I were you I'd call and complain to the furniture store, ask for a discount or free delivery if they charged you.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSister Sassy

I would complain to the manager! See if you can get free matching night stands, lol. I am so glad that I am not the only one who spends their hubby's money and believes that sex makes it all ok.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Midnight? That is ABSOLUTELY not right.
Hey, we were young and dirt poor when we married, too! What an amazing marital bonding experience THAT was.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeck

No, deliveries at midnight are not the norm. Far from it.

We're supposed to have that $100 rule too. It's usually only brought up when one person hates what the other person has bought.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermothergoosemouse

Get them on the phone. Be stern, but not yelling, chances are, the person on the phone isn't the culprit here. Could have been the decision of the delivery guys, their foreman, foreman's boss or the small army of squirrels that have gnawed on their brains, taken over their bodies and are seeking world domination via Ashley furniture.
Anyway, no one wants to be yelled at by some other asshole's screw up.
Squirrels or not, 12AM is not an appropriate time for delivery. Latest should be 9pm in the boonies, and that's if they get lost. You should get refunded for delivery charges, it was a day late and freaking midnight.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

I have heard quite a few Ashley stories from my girlfriend who works there. I'll send you an email with some tips!

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReid

I would be upset to get the furniture that late at night. I love the image of your husband coming in with the crowbar. That is classic.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjanethesane

Oh my dear: As the Mother of a 20 year Policeman, you are SO lucky your husband arrived - you were in a VERY precarious situation, and you had young children there, too. Oh Dear...none of this story was good. That said, you cannot let this rest (there are other customers who might not have a crow bar wielding hubby arrive home). First plan of action should include a personal visit to the store (phone calls can easily be dismissed). You need to have a letter of complaint for the Manager who you will insist upon seeing, in a very public area! You should indicate that a copy has been sent to the Head Office and Consumer Affairs ( because you live in Canada) & you should threaten letters to the Press and various Consumer television shows. And whenever you go into 'battle' you MUST always have a mental list of what you are prepared to settle for - and be very clear that they will attempt to pass the buck (my guess is that they sub-contract the delivery and Ashley probably has no control over when/how late they work). But still - by the very act of subletting the delivery - they have a legal responsibility for everything ranging from damaged goods to bloody late night deliveries. Think it through but for gawdsakes, don't let it pass unaddressed! Let us know. I'm glad you're safe - that's the important thing.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarygrace Semenoff

I totally think you should tear a strip off their ass. You never know, it could just net you a sweet discount or some free product. Not that I'm cheap or anything....

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

Midnight is completely unacceptable. COMPLETELY. I can't even put my thoughts into words because I'm so annoyed on your behalf. GRRRR.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCassie

First of all, you shouldn't have let them in the house that late. In the dark. In the middle of nowhere. Bad, Tanis. Bad. But you know that, so I'll stop channeling your mother now.

I'd call and ask for the delivery fee back. That's totally unacceptable. Seriously. I've had furniture delivered several times and they've always managed to do it during daylight hours.

February 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLawyer Mama

Are you SURE, I mean POSITIVE that Boo and my hubs weren't seperated at birth?

And yeah, I'd be fuming about the late delivery. Write a lengthy letter requesting the fee back for sure!

March 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercarrie

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