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Monday
Oct132008

His Bark is Louder than His Bite

When I married Boo, I made sure that no where in our vows were the words "obey." Why set myself up for failure?

I'm just not the type of girl who does very well at obeying. I'm not obedient. If that was a marital requirement of Boo's, he'd be better off getting a dog.

I'm no man's bitch. I'm an independent bitch.

That said, I try very hard to respect my husband's wishes, even when I don't agree with them. The man supports my arse and keeps me in Cheetos and boxed wine as I sit on my duff all day and surf the internet. I know better than to bite the hand that feeds me.

I like being a kept woman, and I love my sugar-daddy. 

Yet there are times when my husband lays down the law, puts his foot down and absolutely refuses to consider a request I've made. It happens so infrequently that I always blink with surprise when he revolts. The last time he refused a request of mine was a few years ago and it may have involved public intoxication and the possibility of bailing my ass out of the clink.

He is wise beyond his years.

However, this time, he had his head up his butt. He was being unreasonable. Stubborn for the sake of being difficult. Digging his heels in and ignoring the wishes and wants of every member of his family for his own personal motives.

I did the only thing I could think of. I over-rode his decision; blatantly disregarded his dictatorial commands and did what I wanted to for the sake of our family.

I brought home a new puppy.

Boo was pissed.


Meet Thatcher, Nixon's running mate.



My children are over the moon and Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog, EVER, is still smiling. Of course, it helps that the new dog will be half his size, is dumber than a stump and has female parts. The perfect doggy girlfriend for my sweet Nixon.

My motives were completely selfish pure. Nixon looked lonely, my birdies had kicked the bucket and I am still waiting for an adoption to happen that is beginning to look as though it may be a pipe dream. My heart was over-flowing with love and I needed someone to slather that love all over.


Nixon may have been a tad over-excited.



A puppy was the perfect solution.

Not according to my husband. Who, for days has refused to acknowledge my sweet little mongrel's existence. He even threatened divorce and at one point thundered that it was him or the dog. He quickly backed down when I tossed a suitcase at his feet and told him to start packing.


Like me, she is no man's bitch.



In a moment of quiet, after I just finished buttering him up (read: gave him a treat, wink, wink,) I asked Boo what the big deal with another puppy was. Why he was so resistant to the sweet intoxication of puppy kisses and big brown eyes?

"I don't need another damn dog in my bed. One ass-licker is more than enough."


Thatcher, Boo's butt-licker in training.



Well, if that's all he was worried about, problem solved. My new little pup can just sleep with the kids.

Once he realized there would be no other farting, snoring, shedding little fur monsters fighting with him for the chance to sleep next to me, he calmed down. Enough that I even caught him petting my new pup and talking cute little puppy talk as he scratched her belly.

(Who's da sweetest liddle puppy wog in da whole wide world? Thatcher, dat's wight my widdle pwe-shush...)

Oh my sugar-daddy likes to talk tough. But when push comes to shove, he's all bark and no bite.

That said, I'm gonna take this as a hint that now isn't the time to artfully slip him the ole pinky finger in the throes of passion. If you know what I mean.

Wink, wink.

She's a snuggler.

How do you not love a dog who sleeps on your shoulder?

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Reader Comments (82)

I just love dogs. We won't get one until we have a house so until then...I'll have puppylust. :)

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDarcie

So cute! We are down to 1 dog right now and not in a rush for more, but when I see other people with new puppies, it makes me wish a little...

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie/Mobile Mommy

Who would not love that dog. Holy crap he's fucking cute.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDC Urban Dad

That puppy is the cutest thing ever. I want another dog too, then I can pack them in two slings like twins. Yes I said pack them in slings. If you get bored you can check my site for explanation. I know I have issues.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKD @ A Bit Squirrelly

I've got two dogs, a self-absorbed yorkie and a snaggletooth mutt. I love them both, even when I'm threatening them with obedience school or the pound.
How can you not adore that face?

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSammanthia

He's ADORABLE.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Grace

I don't think the pinky finger is ever a good idea, just FYI.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Britt

First off, your puppy is quite adorable. So adorable in fact, that my own puppy who is sitting in my lab started barking at the screen in jealous rage.

Your sugar daddy sounds like my roommate but since Faith seems to find sadistic pleasure in pissing him off, I don't see him talking cutesy puppy speech to her. This would make for excellent blackmail material though.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKendall

Love a pup that sleeps on your shoulder. We have a 3 year old Italian Greyhound and a not quite 1 year old Beagle....and MAN! Do they get LOUD running through the house.....

Good LUCK!

(I'd forego the pinkie too ;)}

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

I am glad he is coming around, I would show my husband the door too. It is just unnatural to not love something that adorable.

P.S. I like the new look!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

She is adorable. Hubby hates dogs as well, gave in when he saw how much I loved Oscar. He was a "temporary" dog for about 7 months. Then he realized he wasn't going anywhere...LOL.

They are always qute until the poop gets bigger and the pee is on something that you like. I like dogs, but still would have been pissed

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMadMan

he is soooo adorable... we'd love to get another (well, sometimes!) but Turbo isn't quite two yet - he will be in December though (and he's already 85lbs of hyper choco-lab) and our house just isn't big enough for another pup right now (plus it would probably piss the cat off again) and with the baby coming in January we've decided to just hold off for a bit on adding a "girlfriend" for Bo - as my hubs says... glad your hubs calmed down (they can't stand up for long against those adorable little faces can they?) :)

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRusti

So cute!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteranna

What a cute little ass-licker! Way to be an independent bitch!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea's Sweet Life

I LOVE puppies. We had that moment of weakness a couple years ago to get a friend for our Bella ... she's dumb as rocks and crazy but it was a good decision none the less. She keeps us laughing all the time. Enjoy the new addition.

I love that last picture, and not just because the hint of cleavage! ;) Your puppy is adorable! We're dogless at the moment, so keep posting pictures for me.

By the way, even though I'm in no way involved, my vote would be "no" on the pinky.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBill

Thatcher is awesomely cute. I too, would love another ass-licker, but we have no more room in our itty bitty house. Plus the ones we have already try to kill me.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaila

I did that exact same thing to my hubs last week, and he's now in love with the puppy. But not after some outright hissy fits (on his part--I bow to no one...sort of). She(?)'s a cutie!!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Lee

Ooooh, thats the cutest little thing. My kids are at the moment wishing for no less than 78 dogs (!!!), but I hope they will settle for 1 dog. We need our kids to be a bit older, so that we can take turns walking the dog for their wee-wee trips... ;) Thanx for writing so funny, by the way. Just discovered your blog, and love the make over!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAstrid

That is such a cute dog!!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnnabelle@Christian Momma

GAH!! I love her!! And the dog's cute too... Heh. Anyway, I have three. Dogs. And I'm just about ready to trade them all in and get something new... something that doesn't already have bad habits ingrained. So, of course, I can ingrain NEW bad habits into them. It's a vicious cycle.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

The puppy is adorable! =D

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin

My kids would love a dog but I can't stand the thoughts of one in the house and my husband won't have an outdoor dog because we have no fence.....so we remained dueling over it. Who will win? ME! I can tell you the answer to that one, lol.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJerri Ann

But are you going to teach this one not to pee on your kids' friend's coats?

She is a sweetie pie. Hard to resist puppy faces.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChicky Chicky Baby

I would have to bring my husband many, many treats if I did that! I just don't think I have the energy for such things . . . puppies? yes! other *stuff*? no.

She is adorable.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

First, I dig the new layout.
Also, does Boo know how cute the puppy is? Also, does he know who owns all the kitty in your relationship? What am I saying, of course he does.
Enjoy your new pet.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentershonda

I have been anti-dog. Until now. I want one JUST LIKE YOURS.

So, so adorable.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngella

That's just wrong. I like the new look by the way.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTravis Erwin

I'm glad he caved.

As to the pinky finger... you never know.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWill

What a cute little puppy your right who wouldn't love a puppy that sleeps on your shoulder.I'm glad you followed your heart and did what was best for the family.You knew deep down all it would take was a favor in the bedroom to get him to come around.That's usually all it really takes to get a man to do what we want.Note to self to achieve global domination a good BJ is the first step....

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertina L

Ummm, the pinky is NEVER a good idea. EVER, no exceptions. The butter will always make the sauce taste better too, wink wink. Perhaps another at a random time for no reason will be the appreciation icing on the cake. He can thank me later for the idea. ;)

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHockeyman

He's adorable, dude. Even if he licks his own butt. Shit, I would if I could.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Becky

who could resist that cute little thang!
nice puppy too!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertony

ROFL You kill me. Please don't slip him the ole pinky finger.

Adorable puppy.

Love your new header!!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRhea

Keep the pinkie finger to yourself for now, girl - one battle at a time! Seriously loving the puppy.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFancy

Oh Men are big push overs for cute puppies! My husband is one big tough looking guy but when we brought Pebbles home, all 2 lbs of light brown fuzz, I caught him lifting her up to snuggle with him. They're all talk.

Congrats on the new addition!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCece

Ok, that shoulder sleeping is snugglicious. How could you not love that face?

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnissa@hope4peyton

In addition to nixing the whole 'obey' part of the marriage vows, there may also have been something about the ole' pinky finger in there, too.

The vows, that is. ;)

I need a Thatcher. OMG! She is so freakin' adorable. Boo proves the theory that all dudes eventually cave over cute bitches.

"the ole pinky finger in the throes of passion"
bahahahahahahah!!!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMommyNamedApril

1. You're hilarious.

2. The pics of your dogs "playing" may be even more hilarious.

Thanks for the laughs!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnn Onymous

ROFL! I just read your "ass licker" post and died laughing. Just don't ever get a cat that you won't declaw. They like dangly bits. And that's all I'm going to say about that - for now. ;)

Your pups is adorable!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterpreTzel

OK, I know this is wrong, but I was hoping Boo would not cave so I could nicely offer to take the pup off your hands.

I know - I'm hateful. :(

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersouthernfriedgirl

your blog is so much fun. i went back and read "the magic moment" for the first time. lol

now i think boo should be husband of the year

dog tongue there is just...wrong

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertony

Thatcher is adorable! 'Nixon's running mate', har har! I'm a firm believer in dogs having friends to play with - nothing worse than a lonely doggy. They get that hang-dog expression.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergoodfather

She is so adorable. I want one. ALthough Right now At my house we have a fish, a cat, two dogs, and my sister's dog sometimes. Anyways, your dog is so so very cute.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterzandor

I actually did a little "ohhhhh" and squirmed at the decision not to slip the ol pinky. Hee.

Puppy is delicious but you should have just had me move in with you. I'm house broken (kinda).

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkatie ~ motherbumper

If I didn't have a tiny boy on my shoulder right now, I'd go and buy a puppy. He's so cute.

Love the new digs by the way.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterIssa

I met my cousin's new baby yesterday - a boxer puppy named Ramsey. She got him 3 days after her daughter left for Air National Guard basic training. She wanted a new baby. She got one! He's all floppy ears and puppy kisses.

Thatcher is just adorable. I'd love to get one, but my two cats would kill me in my sleep!

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterellieranc

How adorable! Glad Miss Grace has you on her blogroll, a great find for me today. I have to agree, dealing with the old hubs can take some finagling but it is certainly an art and it sounds like you have it down pat.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWhiney Momma

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