A Woman's Need

My husband has been gone for three weeks now. Three long weeks of me being alone, with out any other parental support to keep from hanging my children by their toes from the ceiling fan and turning it on high. Three weeks of having to take out the trash by myself or bitch at the kids to do it. Three weeks of watching my lawn slowly morph into a hay field because of my brilliant idea to ignore my better half's advice and buy a push mower.

I always was the brains in this operation. Pipe down out there. It's hard to think over your snickering.

More importantly, I have spent three weeks alone, in my bed, with only the dog to cuddle with. A dog who sheds, hogs my pillow, catches his claws in my nipple rings and has worse gas than a fat man after eating a smorgasboard of Mexican food.

That is a long time to go with out any, people. No hugs, no kisses, no cuddles, no nothing.

Remind me again why I got married?

Oh yeah. I was pregnant. Oh, and I love him. Right. The benefits of being married far outweigh life as a single mommy.

I miss sex dammit. Especially sex with my husband. It's just not the same when you are all alone and dreaming of George Clooney. I actually have to work to get the job done. When Boo's around, I can kinda just lie there and let him go to town.

Not that I do, or anything. That would be wrong. And selfish.


So to pass the time until the Big Boy returns home to fulfill his marital obligations, I have been on the hunt for any sort of romantic primer. I want to be able to surprise him with a treat when he finally does climb into bed with me again. That is, if I don't just rip off his clothes and jump on him when he walks in the door.

Not that I would behave like that. I am civilized. I do like to pride myself on having a little restraint you know. There may be kids around. (Unless they are outside stacking wood if I can time it right...hmmm.)

Don't judge me...

Imagine my delight when I stumbled across this website. It has tips for mommies and daddies! Sweet! I'm all for expanding my horizons, er, my carnal knowledge.

Won't Boo be thrilled. Now I can pass the time dreaming of my husband and our wanton ways instead of my lascivious desire for unattainable, aging Hollywood actors.

Well, maybe split my time dreaming of my husband and some of those sexy actors. A girl has to get her inspiration from somewhere...

So go ahead and check out this site. You never know who's behind the pseudonym. Or what you may learn.

(This is one of those posts where I just know my husband is burying his head in his pillow and wondering where he went wrong. May I remind him: A girl's got needs too. Right ladies??)

Wink, wink.