Pass the Puns, Please

My long-lost husband surprised me with his presence home for two solid days, before I have to send him back to work. He then flourished two tickets to the Dixie Chick's concert and took me out for a night on the town. After a night of music, expensive stadium food and a little mattress dancing, (wink, wink) this is the best I could do this morning for my weekly edition of spreading the cheese. Now, please excuse me, I'm off to corner the husband to take out the damn garbage. (Saves me from having to do it later...)

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful young fairy princess who dreamed of being a ballet dancer. One day, she read an ad in her email that announced the Royal Ballet's next auditions in a nearby town.

So on the right day, the fairy princess geared up one hundred white pigeons to her chariot, and off they flew to the theater.

After witnessing her outrageous entrance, the director immediately told her to go back home.

"But why?" wept the broken-hearted shell of the would-be-ballerina.

"Because," came the heartless reply, "I've got enough pigeon-towed dancers in the company already."