The Third Eye

This year, my husband and I declared us miserable old fuddy duddies and refused to make any plans for New Year's eve.

Oh fine. For the sake of honesty and accuracy I'll amend that statement so that my husband doesn't have a coronary.

This year *I* declared my husband and myself miserable old fuddy duddies and refused to accept any of the plans my husband tried to make to ring in the new year.

For one stinking year, I just wanted to sit home in my pajamas, watch a marathon of Criminal Minds, and do absolutely nothing. I didn't have it in me to dress up, go out or host a get together. I wanted to start 2012 quietly. I just wasn't in the mood to play.

My husband and my teens, however, weren't completely on board with my lack of plans or enthusiasm. They were itching to go out and it wasn't long before both of my teens had arranged to go over to a friend's house for an impromptu slumber party to ring out the year.

My husband volunteered to drive them over to their friend's house because he is friendly with the dad. Fine. Whatever. Go abandon me for wilder pursuits. Go enjoy your night of merriment and frivolity because I am going to enjoy holding the remote control and changing the channel whenever I feel like it, I muttered back at them as they fled our house.

I was just happy to be home, with my Criminal Minds and my television remote.

An hour or so later, my husband came back from dropping the kids off and when he walked through the door and looked at me, he stopped short.

"Um, what have you been doing since I left Tanis?"

I looked at him blankly and waggled the remote. "Nothing. Watching television. Why"

"Um, have you noticed anything unusual about your face today? Looked in a mirror recently?"

"Well, I showered early and I looked fine then. But I think I'm getting an eye twitch. Why? Do I have spinach in my teeth?" I asked as I hopped up to look in the mirror hanging in our foyer.

And then I saw what was clearly freaking my husband out.

My right eye was swollen.


"Totally. But I guess that explains the twitchy feeling and why it kinda hurts to waggle my eyebrows," I murmured as I examined my face.

The next morning, my eye was so swollen it was almost sealed shut.

The morning after that, it looked like I was growing myself a third eye.

It's been awesome. Awesomely grotesque.

I mean I'm used to my face looking like this:

Except lately I refuse to wear my contacts and my hair is blazingly red so I probably look more like this:

Except of course when I'm playing with my computer. Then I tend to look like this:

I like to take weird pictures of myself and randomly send them to family and friends. It freaks them out every time.

But today, on day five, my face looks like this:

I mean, it's not quite normal but clearly there is no third eye growing like there was a few days ago, so I suppose that's progress.

So basically I wrote this post just to show you all that my eyelid is swollen, I'm still in my bathrobe and clearly I need a shower and some make up.


Carry on then.