I Have A Sickness And So Might He

You'd think that since my husband was only home for seven hours (three of which he was sleeping) he'd have had little time to actually do anything but cuddle with his children, pack his suitcase for his week long man-cation in Vegas and maybe try and rub up against me a little.

You'd have thought wrong.

He found time to yell at me too.

He's a big meanie that way.

In his defence, I may have done something I said I wouldn't do anymore.

I bought more eyeglasses. And I may have, accidentally, forgot to mention it to him.

What can I say? I have a sickness. I'm addicted to eye wear.

He gave me the side eye when he walked through the door but with our kids climbing all over him and me batting my eyelashes at him, he refrained from saying anything. I knew he could tell something was different about me but I figured since he didn't outwardly acknowledge the new optics on my face, I wasn't going to point them out.

But when he walked into my bathroom to fetch toiletries for his trip, he noticed several new glasses cases on our vanity.

"Um, Tanis? Do you have anything to say about this?" he asked as he came out holding three different pair of new frames.

"They were pretty?" That's always my excuse.

"Uh huh. They always are." And then he rolled his eyes.

"But since you noticed Boo, wanna see them on me?" Because nothing gets this geek's motor running like modelling new glasses.

It's a sickness I tell ya.

"Um sure," he shrugged as he walked back into the bedroom to continue packing. Oh sure, he acts noncommittal but secretly I know he was just dying to see how I looked in my new glasses.

No really.

So I put on the first pair of new glasses I bought online.

"Well, what do you think?"

His response?

"You look like a knob."

Ok then. "Well, hang on a sec, what about these then?" I asked as I slipped on the second new pair I bought.

He looked up from stuffing shirts into his suitcase (side note: He wasn't even FOLDING them! He was balling his clothes up like used socks. And he judges me by my eye wear. Puh-lease.)

His reaction?

"Dear lord, it'll be like having sex with my Nana."

"You have no taste."

"Apparently, neither do you. No wonder we're married."

Haha. Funny guy.

"Okay, what do you think about these? I bought them on a lark."

He looked up and I braced myself for more negativity.

His response?

"Oh! Now those I like!"

Wait, whaa?

"Really? You like these? I mean, so do I, but why do YOU like them?"

He stopped and looked at me for a second as I pushed the glasses up my nose and then he smiled.

"I like them because they totally remind me of your friend, Mr. Lady. She's hot."

Great. Now even my husband thinks I look like her.

Which would be fine, except when I was getting into bed he looked up and said, "Wait, I was kinda hoping you'd wear the red glasses to bed."

Um, think again buddy.

I'm burning these suckers.