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Monday
May172010

Flower Power

I can't raise my arms.


You see, I have a small problem. It's a hairy situation really, what with the forest of growth developing in the pits of darkness.


I've got furry armpits.


At first, it started off rather innocently. Read that as 'shear laziness.' (Pun intended.) Between having to bend over and contort to shave the nether regions and my gams, I simply ran out of energy one day while I was in the shower. So I left my pits for another day, thinking I'd get to them Eventually.


Then came the epic battle over razors. I keep buying them, and they keep disappearing. I hear this is the price one pays for having a teenaged girl. I don't know what she does with them, but given the lack of body hair on her still developing body I have a strong suspicion she is stealing them and selling them on the black market to raise money for packs of bubble gum.


My daughter of course pleads innocent on all charges. Her defense? The razors must have grown legs and marched away looking for less hairy pastures to play in.


All I know is that every time I felt inspired to weed whack, there is no implement at hand and the pits stay forested.



Totally sexy right?


Not long after my own carpet arrived I read Schmutzie's ode to the fuzzy wuzzies, and what can I say? I was inspired. These pits had a hall pass to freedom  because suddenly I wasn't just lazy any more, I was fighting the repressing confines of pathological and  idiotic societal rules of decency.


I had flower power baby, all shooting out between the ever-lengthening hairs I hid beneath my arms. Or at least that's what I told myself when I suddenly caught a glimpse of my new little shag rugs.


Days morphed into weeks and weeks have turned into months and still, Eventually has not yet arrived. Meanwhile my pit hair has continued to grow like a wild fire out of control.


Heck, at this rate I'm looking into beading the little suckers so that every time I shake my arms the sounds of music waft sweetly from underarms.


My husband thinks this is wholly unacceptable. He doesn't understand why my legs are smooth and my nethers groomed, my pits remain an abomination. Apparently since I wax southern parts, I should wax the northern parts. I've told him the day he leans over and rips out his own armpit hair using nothing but his teeth is the day I will willingly sign up to have my pit hair waxed.


Until then, it's free-range and nature at it's very best under these arms.



Granola anyone?


I'm rebelling against a society husband that dictates that in order for me to be sexy I have to have silky smooth armpits. If Boo can walk around with wooly underarms and enough back hair to make a  grizzly bear envious and still be considered sexy, why not me?


I think he's threatened by my follicular abilities, truth be told.


Ignore the dictates of society and embrace the undercarriage fluff I tell you. It's freeing. Even if it is a little sweaty.


This is womanhood at it's best hairiest. I mean what is sexier than seeing the deodorant ball up and form little white beads dangling on the end of the grass growing under a woman's arms?


I'm taking a sabbatical from the war on fuzz and welcoming the pelt I've cultivated under my arms. That's right, I'm saving the environment one razor at a time. I'm sacrificing tank tops and short sleeves all in the name of saving the world.


I'm doing this for you. You can thank me later.


Raise your hand if you're with me.


Anyone?




This post has been brought to you against the wishes of my husband.


I should apologize to him.


But he stole my last razor.

« Other People's Children | Main | Breaking the Rules »

Reader Comments (117)

Wow.

Now that's taking a stand.

Great photos, very liberating.

I tend to shave mine with the leftover baby lotion (my youngest is now 6...) because I like to wear sleeveless shirts for running and the gym. But still, there have been occasions when my husband has finally commented about the "forest". Usually in the dead of winter.

Although to be honest, he's more freaked out by nipple hairs.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpixielation

I'm sorry. I just can't do it. I actually AGREE with Schmutzie, but I can't do it.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Grace

LOL!!! I can honestly admit, that I'm totally grossed out by the armpit hair. I'd rather chew it off then have it grow out- but more power to ya sister! Woodstock all the way ;)

Oh. My. God. Tanis!!!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca_Masters

I almost don't know what to say. Do you get the same deodorant clumps my DH does? At the end of the day he'll take his shirt off and the deodorant has formed little disco balls in his pit hair.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Best post I have read all week! Bravo! I am an on again, off again shaver, but it never gets too long as people magically find me razors and offer things like beach trips if I shave. Also, the gagging noises really get to me. :)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Wow. I don't know what else to say except wow. I am not grossed out by that, but I guess it seems odd because that is not the "norm" of society. Whatever floats your boat my redneck friend. I hope the trend doesn't catch on, at least in my household, and I mean that in the most non-offensive way possible.

Why not start hiding your razor with your porn? Everyone has a porn collection right? Regardless, you have a ways to go before you get to the hairiness of the Madonna Playboy pictorial so rock out with your pit hair out.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHockeymandad

You do what you gotta do. Me, I gotta shave.

If you send me your address I will mail you some razors. Shave the pits girl! If I lived there I would so go kd lang on you.

Personally, grosses me out, but on principle, I'm down with ladies who choose this route. Damn, society has brainwashed me.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKBO

I actually have NO words & if you knew me you would fund this as incredulous and I do!! Plus, am laughing so hard my iPhone might top working due to excessive wetness/tears...

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

Ok, I was all prepared to be supportive but apparently my morning sickness is triggered by the thought of deodorant balls. Urgh. LOL

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJo

P.S. Note to self, do not read Tanis' blog while eating lunch. *turns green*

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJo

You are a brave, brave woman! I can't bring myself to stop shaving the armpits, but ever since I had my last baby 8 months ago, I've stopped shaving "down under." My sister is a licensed waxer, and last week I asked her to give me my first brazilian, but she said I'd have to TRIM THE BUSH first. I am so lazy that I told her to forget it. My husband bitches all the time, but I'm holding strong to the "I just had a BABY!" defense. That's probably not going to last much longer.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Awesome! Look at you all mother-earthy and stuff!
Why not tell your husband you are preparing for a long vacation in France where you plan to blend in with the locals!?

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSunday

You should work those bad boys into little tiny dreads in honor of Crystal Boxershorts (or whatever-that-chick-on-American-Idol's name is).

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElly Lou

O M G! LOL!! You rock! While I admit to being too lazy to shave the pits, I'd never broadcast my hairyness on the web. You go girl! LOL!!!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarin

Amen to that sister ;-)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGappy

Oh. My. God. I swear if you braid it I will send you $5. Picture of Boo's face when he sees it optional (but would be hilarious and worth another $5)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Dye it blue, and I will be your biggest fan.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBusyDad

Oh, that is BAD, just bad....please let me mail you a razor! ;) Or a weed trimmer! ;)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Okay...I've been reading but haven't commented in quite some time. But wow...gotta say...very nice. Just happens to be something I appreciate. You go, girl.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterem

Boy, lots of bribe offers for pix here, but I'm with you - but will still shave it here. I have an extra weed whacker, if you'd like...

You are such a bloody nut :) and i mean that as a compliment. We all have those moments where times gets away from us and our husband find that they are married to a Yeti. I can't wait to let him read this so that he knows it's not just his wife :)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTickled Red

ok girl, now i have to admit that...at times i too will for go the razor.. BUT, i have to say thats i agree with the hubby.... my pit hair has never been that long, however if you were to ask my husband or the kids the would swear we were HAIR SISTERS...lol
I must say you write one heck of a story!!! and the pictures, well thats proof to me.... Anyway rock on sister..

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershaloy

U have taken a stand, I am proud of you, I am not that bold and have to be silky under my arms. But, i have to confess I will let time get a way from me and not shave for quite some time until my hubby starts hootin and hollerin about my legs, LOL

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBillie

Just the thought of clumped up deodorant balls in my pit hair is enough to get me to shave regularly. Plus, I don't like sweat. But more power to you! Just don't raise your arm to wave to me. ;)

You go girl. Not sure that I can do that.. But you get on with your bad self. lol

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Sorry Tanis, I can't get on board with your pact. Not that I don't think you should do what you want (hairy pits FTW!). It's just, with two teenage girls in my house and the fact that I spend approximately 96% of our grocery budget on f*&king razors (that they must also sell on Ebay), I intend to use every second of life out of the one or two blades that make it into my hands. In fact, I think we should get EXTRA baby bonus from the government when our kids become teenagers...not less. Those 12+ aged knuckleheads are hella expensive to keep!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterProcrastamom

ummm.... I won't be joining in for this one.... I've got enough hair elsewhere right now... due to my ever-expanding girth, at this moment the only part of me that is well-groomed is my armpits... I can't reach my legs and reaching the undercarriage at this point involves contortionism that I am just not capable of... at least not while very hugely pregnant...

which reminds me... I need to find a brave soul willing to be paid to take a weed-whacker to my lower half... because I truly can't take much more of this!! If my armpits were hairy I'm sure someone would mistake me for a woolly mammoth!!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPottyMouthMommy

No effin' way.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjennielynn

LOVE IT! I knew I had a sister out there! If I had a blog I would have posted this exact post! Sending to MY Boo right now so he has no illusions about who he is dealing with... perfect.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTanjerine

I'm right there with you. I thought it was laziness but I like your take on it better. Yeah! I'm taking a stand! Fuck the establishment! Too much?

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlanned

Wow, I'll confess that I don't shave the pits or the legs (or even the nether region) as often as I should. I'm single and ain't no one seeing it on any kind of regular basis. I will say, with almost 100% certainty, that you will NEVER get a picture of my forest, ever. LOL

Thanks for sharing yours though. And if anyone ever complains I'll totally say I'm taking a stand with Tanis...FLOWER POWER and fist bumps all the way!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmazingGreis

Gah, I just can't do it. It bugs me if I miss a single day. That being said? I can go weeks and weeks without shaving my legs and not care. Even though, I'm like a chi pet. Gotta love single life. Anyway, more power to ya sister.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIssa

I think we should have a buyYOURARMPITSarazor funder razor. ( ha get it) ... we could defiantly gather up enough to to plow those fields... let me know when you make a badge for that ..

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThePeachy1

I love you, but I am SO NOT WITH YOU! Like Issa said, it bugs me if I miss a single day, too. I like smooth and hair-less me, all over. Except my head. I very much like the hair on my head. And that's it. ;)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoukia

UNITE!!! I haven't shaved my pits in 15 or so years. My legs either, nor my goodies. Funny thing tho. I've started swimming. Real swimming, doing laps and in a public pool. Can't wear board shorts or a grandma bathing dress to do that, so I had to buy a real suit. Which showed parts of me that had long been seen only by my family. So I started shaving my goodies. Not Brazilian or anything, but just a clean up. Then one day I shaved a path on my shin. Just to see what it felt like. Smoooooth. So now am considering shaving my legs again....we'll see.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdale

Tanis, I love you. You call it like it is.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Dude.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOut-Numbered

Sweet baby Jesus! Send me your address and I'll mail you a whole box of razors!!

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Vile. Simply vile.

I think I'll stop wiping my ass for a few months and say I'm 'taking a stand against other people's olfactory senses dictating how I live my life'. Yeah, that oughtta win me some support.

Societal construct or not, we all make sacrifices for aesthetic reasons and for the common good. Get off your high horse and give me a fucking break; there are plenty of more worthwhile things to be all defiant about.

I hope you enjoy not getting any action; if I were your partner, I'd be out paying nice, smooth, professionally-waxed hookers whenever I could afford it, and happily sleep with my back to you. Or, if your self-absorbed, childish-pretending-to-be-feminist attitude extends to other areas, I'd likely dump your hairy ass for a woman who actually likes being feminine and pleasing a man. There are plenty of them, usually from other countries where everyone isn't 300 pounds and brimming with a barely coherent sense of redneck entitlement pretending to be some sort of pathetic 'empowerment'.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjonas

Umm, how do I follow Jonas? I am without words.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The black forest beneath my arms look similar to this, well, never really, but in theory, if I were to let the pits grow free for one week's time, I'm sure they'd be as long yet not nearly as flowy as yours. See, I suffer from Italian genes. Nay, Irish Italian genes. So we get thick, jet black, curly pit hairs beyond an 1/8 inch length.

I dare not burden the internet with that catastrophe.

You'll do Tanis, you'll do.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Um...yea. Ok. Love your posts. This one gave me the heebie jeebies. Good luck in your quest, with 90 degree weather already here in MS I'm going to keep my shaving ritual.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

Ummm, wow. Scary. I cannot let myself get that fuzzy. You're crazy, lady. Just crazy. Bring me my razors. If I start to get low on blades, I go get another pack long before the other one runs out.

You're just all about defying that man of yours right now, aren't you? If I was him, I'd demand a return of the razor for my anniversary.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterForgotten

BTW, jonas, if you stop wiping your ass, don't sit near me, ok?

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterForgotten

O.M.G. You are one brave woman! I definitely don't shave as often as I should (ahem... being single will do that to a girl)... but, wow. I don't think I've ever seen an actual picture of a sexy, attractive woman embracing a hair forest! Tell the hubs that you'll shave your pits, when he gets a full body wax job done. ;)

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I love your blog, but I'm soooo not with you on this one. Bravo for posting pictures, however.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCoach J

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