Feel Sorry For Me

To Whom it May Concern,

Dear valued customers,

Yo! Mama!

Dear Readers,

Please excuse Tanis's absence from her lame blog, Attack of the Redneck Mommy. She is currently being held hostage by a variety of obnoxious viruses feeling under the weather.

While she would very much like to stretch her creative muscles (as those are the only muscles she seems to exercise these days...I mean, have you seen what's going on in her thigh area? Cottage cheese jello rolls. I want to kick her ass for doing this to me.) her body has revolted and the only energy she can spare must be conserved to reach for the extra soft two-ply tissues she likes to shove up her nose to catch errant snot drips.

I am sure Tanis will be well enough to return to her regularly scheduled posting routine once she ingests enough orange juice and chicken broth to drown out the germs and sleeps long enough to be confused for a newborn baby.

In the meantime, have no worries, gentle readers, I am doing everything in my power to remind the dumbass Tanis all of this could have been prevented if she ate something other than ketchup chips and drank something other than caffeinated beverages while remembering to wash her damn hands. You'd think as the mother of four, she'd remember what germy little cretins her children are.

Your patience and understanding in this unscheduled delay is greatly appreciated.


The Management