My Redneck Road Trip

By now, the world knows (or should know) of Bossy and her fabulous road trip. How cool of an idea is that? Travel the lands and meet all your fellow bloggers, a few stalkers and a handful of perverts (because everyone on the internet is completely SANE) as you make your way down one highway to another.

Sounds like my type of fun.

But Bossy wouldn't come see me. Turns out I live too far north for her taste. Something about polar bears and igloos that deterred her.

Still, the idea is a cool one. I've had the opportunity to meet a few bloggers in person. But in the spirit that more is better, I'd love to meet all the people who I've connected with over the years.

Because let's face it, I've got no real life friends because I'm so damn busy blogging.

(Kidding. Kinda. Ya. I'm pathetic. I don't need you pointing this out to me. My kids do it all the time.

To prove to my children that their mother is capable of talking to someone other than herself, I've decided to set out, via Bossy style and go on tour. After all, if Bossy can do it, then damn it, so can I.

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After devouring Bossy's blog, I started on planning my own road trip. There were a few Eastern bloggers who virtually molested me recently. It was time for revenge retaliation. This time, though, any molestation that may occur will by my own hands.


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I may not lick HBM, but I do plan on rubbing her belly.

So after a flurry of emails and a few naughty dreams, I set about planning my own version of Bossy's road trip.

Tanis does Toronto. Kinda like Debbie Does Dallas with out the pornography.

(Well, okay there may be pornography but what happens in Toronto stays in Toronto.)

First off, I needed a sponsor. One with a large bank account and charitable inclinations. Who would it be? Bossy used Saturn. Maybe they would want to sponsor a Canadian version of her road trip and lend me some wheels to travel across our vast nation.

Ya. Not so much. They were more interested in selling me a vehicle than they were in loaning me a freebie.

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I would have totally looked hot in that car. Darn it.


Fine. Who the hell wants to drive across the country anyways? I thought to myself. I'll fly. So I contacted the local airlines and explained my idea.

After explaining to a bazillion different airline employees just what a blog was, I never got past the hysterical laughing on the other end of the line.

Damn. Finding a corporate sponsor was tougher than I thought.

So I found me a private sponsor. One who is legally obligated to fork out wads of money to make me happy. It only took the promise of unfettered sexual favours to secure airline passage.

I can live with that. I've done worse for less.


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If you look up tomorrow morning you may see me waving. And my hair will probably be standing on end like this too.

The corporate world may not recognize the Redneck Mommy and her value, but my husband surely does. Plus, as he points out, it's cheaper to keep me than to trade me in for a newer model. Wink, wink.

Tanis does Toronto became an official reality. And it starts tomorrow. At the crack of freaking dawn because my tightwad generous husband insisted I fly out on a seat sale. Which meant the early bird special. Can you say red eyes, uncombed hair and a bad attitude?

All right, so it will be just like every other morning for me. But only this time there will be witnesses trapped in a flying tin can with no escape route from my extreme bitchiness wonderful disposition. Grrreeeeaat!

I may be no Bossy, but I can pretend. After all, I'm east bound for beer, blogging buddies and good times.

Just think of the photos. I'll just have to make sure I'm the one taking the pictures and not the one being captured flashing my guns around.

Redneck Mommy is hitting the road. Well, as far as the airport. But it's bound to be a good time.

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My type of airport. Thanks JellyMa for the pic.

Who knows, maybe next time, I'll come see you.

(I'll have to practise getting really bendy with the hubs first, though. Wink, wink.)