Pass the Puns, Please

Today is the day my extended family gathers to celebrate all the January birthdays. Which will include my Bug's. Last year, so fresh from shock and riddled with pain, I hid in the bedroom and tried to shut out the world and the hurt by squishing my eyes closed and holding my breath until the world spun.

I saw my two year old nephew do the same when he was in trouble and it seemed to work for him. Apparently, I must have done it wrong, because I didn't have the same results.

This year, this day, the wound has been scabbed over and (so far) I have managed not to pick at the scab. So I plan on partaking in the festivities, drinking some happy juice and making a pig of myself when it comes to eating the cake. The way I figure it, I'm eating for two.

NO, I'm not preggers. Although, technically I am expecting. As soon as the government plays nice and hands me over a baby that some one else didn't want.

No, I was referring to the fact I must eat enough cake and icecream for the Bug and for me. Eating for two. At least that's what I'm gonna say when I hip check the kiddies out of the way to get the last piece of cake. All's fair when it comes to cake.

Now I'm off to prepare for the big afternoon. But before I leave, I present to you, my interweb friends, some cheese.

It has a slight odour and an after taste resembling a groan.

Just the type of cheese I like. Enjoy!

There was once this second-rate orchestra led by a second-rate director.

In the orchestra was this guy on the cymbals who never banged them at the right time. So the conductor said, "If you don't get it right this time I'll kill you."

When the time came for the percussionist to get it right, he didn't. And so the director pulled out a gun and shot him dead.

Of course, the police came and arrested him and eventually the conductor ended up on death row.

The day came when he was sent to the electric chair. As the crowd watched, the executioner flipped the switch ... but nothing happened. Everyone wondered what when wrong.

But the director knew. Saddened by all that had taken place, he said, "I never was a very good ... conductor!"