Pass the Puns, Please

Some days a person just has to be grateful that Sunday has rolled around. Today is that day for me. I plan on hiding from the inlaws, the phone and my dog for as long as possible today. I'm going to ignore the dust bunnies, the dirty socks and the sink of dishes calling my name. It's going to be nothing but a good book, a glass of wine and perhaps some cheese. And since I am feeling particularly generous, I shall share with you, dear internet, my fromage.


The Cleveland Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage - about 20 minutes - during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do) one of them looked at his watch.

"Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."