Mother's Day Mommies

Mother's Day is upon us. I want to take a moment to salute the many mother's out there. Because after all, I too, am a mom. A badge of honor I proudly wear. I remember the moment I was told I was going to be a mother. My reaction wasn't something anyone would want captured on a mother's day card. Instead of tears of joy and happy gushing, there were tears of "OH MY GOD, what the hell am I going to do now!!??". (I believe there may have been a few cuss words thrown in there somewhere too.)

Since then, I have mellowed a bit. Stretch marks can do that to you. Having a small child gnaw on your breasts with toothless jaws of steel, can do that to you. Having to clean up untold amounts of urine, poop and puke can do that to you. Having to wipe up bloody noses and skinned knees over and over, until you are a glorified nurse, can do that to you.

As I have grown up with my kids, I have discovered there are many different types of moms out there. There are the traditonal types, like my sister in law, who bakes cookies on a daily basis, and never raises her voice. With five kids. (I figure she must slip in a sedative in the cookie dough, because how the hell else can she get through a day with out yelling?)

Then there are the complacent types, happy to have children as long as the ride doesn't get too bumpy. I have a girlfriend who is like this. The type of mom where it is easier to let their children morph into psychotic little monster's who would glady tear your throat out and then stomp on it, than actually discipline them.

Then there are the mom-Nazi's, who are against everything. Video games, music videos, Walt Disney. The Smurf's are satan-mongerers, dammit, and no you can't watch the Teletubbies. Shut up, play your flute and eat your granola. The mommies who would rather wrap their precious children in bubble wrap than a cute jumper from Old Navy. We all know the type.

Of course, there are the hip, cool mommies, (like me) who like to think they are a bit of everything above, and more. They try to avoid the dreaded mom jeans, they can make a decent cookie and video games are okay as long as everyone's head stays on through the game. No killing. Smurfs are just blue midgets who sing an annoying song about the morals of living in a blue society. But everyone knows Barney is a tool of the devil. Along with Dora. (Thank be God, my kids have grown out of this stage.)

What ever type of mother you have, or may be, I salute you. Because being a mother is a labour-intensive (pardon the pun), time-consuming, lack-of-respect job. And it takes all kinds of mommies to make this world go round.