about Attack of the Redneck Mommy
RNM HOME ARCHIVES BEST OF RNM PRESS CHARITIES
Looking for something specific? SEARCH RNM.  
back to Tanis Miller
Wednesday
Nov012006

Open Season


November is an important month, here in Alberta. November means you are legally allowed to wander around aimlessly with a loaded weapon and take shots at anything that moves. It is open season on Bambi.

That's right, it's hunting season around these parts.

As a city-dweller, I never gave hunting season much thought. Or any thought, for that matter. But living out in the sticks, hunting has taken a whole new meaning.

We wear a lot of orange during this month.

Because you never know when some deranged, great white hunter is going to mistake you, your kids, or your dog for his trophy kill. After all, it must be hard to see clearly through that tiny little scope when your eyes are blood shot and bleary from all the strong coffee one must consume to stay warm.

Don't laugh. My mother-in-law's house has the bullet holes to prove it. Some hunters really can't hit the broad side of a barn. But can manage to miss a bull moose standing four feet in front of them, and instead take out the nearest farm house's window.

Driving down the dirt road, with open fields on either side, is nerve wracking during this particular month, with the mental image of a bullet hole in Grandma's hallway running through your mind. Didn't Dick Cheney shoot a lawyer in the ass when he mistook his backside for a bird? (I know, I know, it wasn't really his backside, it was the man's chest and face, but it's harder to make a joke about that...)

My point is, accidents happen.

The deer and the moose aren't the only things running for cover this month.

I empathise with poor old Bugs. I know how he feels.
« Trust Me, I'm A Good Mom. Now Give Me A Baby | Main | Halloween Humiliation »

Reader Comments (10)

I'm jumpy enough as it is without having to worry about a shotgun blast!

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMary-LUE

Ah, so it's "duck" season in Alberta!

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMy float

Yikes....I'd be wearing a flak jacket and a helmet!

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjellyhead

Stay low Fish.

[And] Don't be tryin' to flash the girls at the unsuspecting hunters either.

But you know what...if it saves Bambi I say go on, show 'em your girls.

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkimmyk

Think about how I feel riding my motorcycle down the road and I hear shots being fired. It makes me very jumpy, but I won't worry too much until I hear the...Zzzing go past my ears.

A couple months ago someone from behind some bushes threw a firecracker in front of my bike and scared the begeebees outa me.

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAbandoned in Pasadena

Hmmm it seems hunting season has wound up here in Edmonton, pretty scary these days it seems.

November 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJ

Yeah, that's one thing I don't miss about PA--the first day of "buck" season, which is apparently the day your deeer season starts too, was a SCHOOL HOLIDAY.

Priorities, people.

November 2, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterstefanierj

Oh, man. I'd be paranoid to the point of complete inaction. I'd sit in the basement all day with my daughter and a Baby Einstein video on repeat. Hey, maybe I'd actually get some laundry done that way. Anyway, sometimes I go off-roading with my husband in the woods and I can't stop trying to figure out the likelihood of one of us getting a bullet through the brain or some other highly necessary body part.

November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterECR

Memories!
Did I ever tell you I'm originally from Northern Ontario?
We don't go out much in the Fall at dawn or dusk. LOL.

November 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

You think that's bad... I live in a large acerage neighborhood in the south that's heavily wooded in a VERY REDNECK county (how the hell I wound up here I don't know)... and most of the people put homes up on our street so they wouldn't have to leave the front porch to shoot 'em as they walk by - what's worse, is I'm pretty sure most of our neighbors fit the bill of being in the witness protection program and are so gun-happy that if ANYONE gave them the right to shoot ANYTHING, I'm not exactly sure it wouldn't end in some weird cover up...

November 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPageant Mom

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>