about Attack of the Redneck Mommy
Looking for something specific? SEARCH RNM.  
Twitter Facebook Google+ Instagram contact subscribe by email or RSS
press charities Attack of the Redneck Mommy



My child graduated from high school last week.  I suppose this means I've officially graduated into adulthood. Which is bizarre since I still feel like a kid myself. Perhaps I will finally start feeling like a grown up right around the time I'm eligible for senior discounts. 

I don't really remember much from my own graduation. I skipped the commencement services because I thought they'd be boring and instead focused my attentions on the grad banquet and dance. I remember regretting that decision at the time and wishing I'd picked up my diploma and skipped the dance. There wasn't much dancing at the dance and I spent most of the night feeling stupid as I tottered around in heels I didn't know how to wear.

Note the smushed hair style from having a nap after getting hair done. Note how I wouldn't let him touch me. Note the fact my mother let me CHOOSE that fabric colour. I must have been blind.

My grad night consisted of me trying to avoid and run from my escort (also currently referred to as my husband), and marveling over how tiny a Cornish game hen is. (Seriously! Tiny! It didn't help they served it with four baby carrots and two baby potatoes. I figure they must have decided starving the graduates was an effective cost savings measure.)

The only time in the evening I had any fun was when I left the dance with my best friend and Bruce and went to McDonalds in our grad finery. Nothing tastes better than eating a rubbery Big Mac while dripping special sauce on the grad gown your mother lovingly made for you. 

There may have also been a hot tub involved, but that's a story for another day. 

Ken's grad did not involve any tiny Cornish game hens, a McDonalds or a hot tub. 

It did involve a hand made gown lovingly sewn by her grandmother. It also involved her singing O'Canada at the commencement services and giving the 'Toast to the Parents' speech at the banquet. 

Her grad involved ruby red stripper heels, a best friend escort wearing a tux inspired from the movie 'Dumb and Dumber' and a boyfriend who she never ran from once. 

Her grad involved getting her very first manicure. Buying her very first pair of hosiery. Having her very first eyebrow waxing. Which was then quickly followed by her mother running through a liquor store asking for a big bottle of gin because she 'accidentally skinned her daughter's eyelids and needs to forget the horror.'

Note to the mothers of future graduates: Don't take your fair haired, sensitive skinned daughter for her first waxing three days prior to a big event. You may end up having to invest in stocks of Polysporin and Aloe Vera while praying to the Gods of Everything Good and Holy that the skin ripped off your daughter's eyebrows grows back before the big day. 

Luckily, it healed enough so the scabs could be covered with makeup. PRAISE THE POWER OF POLYSPORIN!

Her grad also saw her mother totter up the stage in heels she still has never grown accustomed to wearing to give a speech about aiming high and living boldly while trying to hold back the sea of tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks at any moment.

I don't remember much of my graduation but I know I'll never forget any of hers. 

Congratulations Ken. We love you to the moon and back. Whether you have eyelids or not.

Proof you can dress them up, but you can't take them out.

Congratulations to the graduates of 2014, everywhere. May life take you places you haven't yet dared dream exist.

Reader Comments (13)

My son graduates next month and I haven't processed any of it. My mother didn't take any pictures of my graduation. I was the class valedictorian but I was also the sixth child my parents had seen graduate. They were over the whole thing...I wish I had pictures...

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVeronica

I dropped out junior year, got married, had a baby and got my GED in Germany, so I have no idea what it feels like for me. But my daughter graduated from college not too long ago and that was a trip. And then she got married a few weeks ago and then I died.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLeahpeah

I'm so glad you went first .... still not sure how I'm going to survive next weekends ceremonies with my daughter. I seriously can't be this old. Best Wishes to Ken in all of the most fabulous things and experiences she's about to take. Good Job Mama.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterApril

I am British we don't have Graduation Ceremonies until University.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterViolet

Congratulations :) It's definitely an accomplishment.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKyooty/Mary

Perfect grads, big love.

I've love being a fly on the internet wall.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Love it! Congrats, Ken! And Tanis. :)

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngella

My daughters are 2 days short of 2 days apart. They graduated from Pre-K, Kindergarten in public school, 5th and 8th grades in private school. I am about graduationed out here!
I feel Ken's pain, literally. I am a pale redhead, so after a waxing I drive home as fast as the speed limit will allow, alternate ice packs with aloe. I need to remember to tweeze more often ;)

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterame i.

I just can't believe she's GRADUATED. This is the most ineloquent comment I've ever left, but she's OUT OF SCHOOL, TANIS.

May 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMr Lady

Congratulations -- wishing her happiness and success in all the things that she sets her heart upon. She's a very beautiful young lady, by the way. And so are you.

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFaiqa

What a cute dress, grandmother has got some talent. I didn't get nearly that dressed up for either my high school or college graduation. We also didn't have a banquet. We did have a senior all night party which was fun.

May 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

I didn't notice the smushed hairstyle. I'm pretty sure my hair looked about the same, only it was intentional, perhaps? It also ended up with a reddish-purple streak for Senior Prom in it and that WAS intentional. I loved high school, went to a Math/Science public boarding school and was so angry I had to graduate I didn't even want to go. I knew I was going to miss my friends. and I did, but college was great in different ways.

I've never taken my fair haired daughter to be waxed and now know I NEVER will.

Totally random, but is Ken's dog the same dog that had a litter of puppies on your bed twice?

May 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura in Little Rock

Congratulations to Ken - and to you for making it through it! Wishing great and amazing accomplishments and surprises for her future!

May 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWandaL
Comments for this entry have been disabled. Additional comments may not be added to this entry at this time.
« Blue Eyes | Main | #7billionliters of Science Magic »