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It's a Mystery

I won't lie; this back to school routine is kicking my arse. Between the school sports, the paper work, the never-ending lunch making, I'm about done with school. 

You'd think after doing this for so many years I'd have mastered the art of parenting during the school year. Of course, you'd be wrong. I thrive on disorganization. Well, not really. I just can't seem to escape it.

It's been a particularly rough week around here. 

Knox's ear went missing.

Well, not his ear so much as his brand-new-only-11-months-old-so-not-really-brand-new-but-newish bionic hearing aide, but to be honest, it would be cheaper if he lost his actual ear and not just the insert.

From all accounts, his hearing aides were freshly inserted at 3 pm. He was loaded on to the bus and an hour later, just after getting off the bus his ear was gone.

It's not to be found. No one can find it.... Which, you know, is the definition of 'not to be found.' (Clumsy writing for the win!)

It's a mystery. A mystery worthy of Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle.  

In the span of sixty minutes I am out THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS (please please please let insurance cover this cost) and everyone is like *shrug, whatcha gonna do?*

Let me tell you what *I'm* gonna do:


Then pout.

And then YELL some more. 

I may even kick a rock. Down the driveway.

Then kick a rock again. Back UP the driveway.

And then I'm gonna YELL some more. Randomly. And, possibly, at strangers.

But only old people strangers. Old people who aren't wearing their hearing aides. So they can't actually hear me yelling at them. Because I don't want to seem rude. I'm fine with seeming crazy but I draw the line at rudeness. 

And then, after all the yelling, pouting and rock kicking, I won't lie. I'm going to cry. Crying makes everything better.

I just don't understand it. He went on the bus with both of his ears and got off the bus with only one of them.

Are kids these days selling hearing aides on the black market? Melting them down to snort them? 

Hoarding them to build a giant robot that they will set forth upon the world to rule it with the super power strength of its bionic ears?



And before you ask, no, Abbott did not eat it. He's an arsehole but he's a fussy arsehole that way. Also, he was nowhere near Knox when it was discovered the hearing aide was missing or even before. He was too busy chasing the Chihuahua who is in heat.

Did I mention my dog is an arsehole?

I'm not an arsehole Mom. I'm a HORNY TEEN.

I only wish he ate the hearing aide because I would gladly excavate poop than pony up the THOUSANDS of DOLLARS it's going to take to replace this necessary equipment. 

I don't have thousands of dollars. I'm jobless and I mooch off my husband.

My husband who is GOING TO BE SO MAD.

I'd rather excavate poop than tell my husband. AND I DON'T LIKE POOP. 

Google is going to forever think I have an excrement excavation fetish. Hello perverts brought here by Google. Welcome to the party!

So. To sum up: Knox's shiny bionic ear disappeared into the realm of 'never to be seen again,' shoulders have been shrugged, the dog has been cleared and the insurance people are going to be uncommonly kind and generous because if they aren't, the poor kid who lost all his teeth not two months ago and can't get them replaced will also have to wheel around deaf as my 66-year-old father who refuses to get his hearing checked.

And I already have to cope with one relative yelling "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU," I can't handle another.

Please universe, bring back my kid's expensive medical equipment. The aliens don't need it. But Knox (and my bank account) certainly do.

*Kicks rock.*

Reader Comments (38)

That sucks, but I can totally see losing this device if I was his age. It is the equivalent of how we always lose our glasses. And hi, Tanis.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNeil

I've lost one of my hearing aids once, and broke one another time. It SUCKS, yes. I feel your pain.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

DUDE, get your non-deaf kids to make lunches. It won't save you the thousands of dollars, but it might give you that 10-minute coffee break that you totally deserve. Also, please feel free to yell in my direction if you see me wandering down the street - I won't be offended and I'll probably even give you coffee and/or chocolate and/or a hug.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHi, I'm Natalie.

Been there. Not thousands of dollars there, but...one thousand. Because just a few days before we were supposed to go in and get The Boy's loaner replaced with *our* owned one, it got lost. I dropped him off at daycare and he had it. I picked him up and it was gone. We looked everywhere. The provider tore her house and car apart to no avail. We were pretty sure it was there at noontime and a few short hours later, gone. That was in APRIL and we still haven't found it. Thankfully we got our actual one so my kid was only out his for about a month but...after a single day, his speech declines, so you can imagine what a month did.

I am convinced that there is a place hearing aids go, much like the sock planet that contains all the socks that escape in the dryer. I can only hope that some day, someone will discover the HAplanet and find a way to get them all back to us. *Here's hoping that insurance is kind to you* BTW, that ear mold ROCKS!

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTigger

I'm pretty sure that is the exact reason my dad said no to the dentist's request for a retainer for me. He said it was coz the dentist didn't need another boat. Fingers crossed it shows up. Soon!

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzeghsy

Tanis, I feel your pain. At times it's like the universe is conspiring against you. Well, it's not. It might seem like it, but you just tell the universe to go eff itself and all will be right again. Maybe not right enough that Knox will be able to hear properly, but maybe just right enough that insurance will cover it. Here's hoping.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

My son lost his hearing aide once after performing in a school play...where hundreds and hundreds of kids and their parents had trampled. I went back up to the school and got down on my hands and knees and covered every square inch, just KNOWING that it was going to be smashed. I found it, intact, sitting on a bookshelf.

Fingers crossed that you will be that lucky.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMomo

wow. There are just no words for how much that sucks.


I'm going to yell at some deaf old people and kick some rocks in solidarity.

here's hoping the aliens return your thousands of dollars :(

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTarasview

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Hope it turns up before you replace it. (Because that's the only time I find such things--after I get a new one.)

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkorinthia

Oh how unfortunate - not on the same scale, but my son's life saving epi-pens twice disappeared from his backpack.....I finally lost my cool and went into the classroom like a, well, it wasn't pretty. However, it never happened again.... Young kids are fascinated with 'things'.... I'd offer up a reward of sorts for the bus students or at his school and see what might miraculously turn up. Sending a flyer home with the students with hopes it would reach their parents might be effective too. Good luck....

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandra

I know this is really annoying for you but I now have a picture of Abbott and the chihuahua and can't stop laughing

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteralison c

oh no. Deepest sympathies. That just sucks.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChaosRu

Well......damn. That sucks. I like the flyer idea. And speaking of assholes, you could play this on repeat. It makes me feel better.....


September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Leeland

I wouldn't necessarily let people just shrug it off. I know most buses here have video surveilance. I would ask (demand??) to see any footage to see if you can see any kids fooling around near him or if you can see any other evidence of the device being "lost" in the bus. If that doesn't help.. don't fret.. my FIL found my ring wrap that I had lost over a year before while vacuuming! Not saying that will help in the short term.. but there is still a chance when it might show up in the future.. could use it as a spare.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersarina

IS there any chance it's under the bus?

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkyooty

Some insurance people CAN be uncommonly kind... My son was born with a cataract in one eye. As an infant, he wore a very expensive contact lens. I can't tell you how many were lost because he rubbed them out and couldn't let me know that it was gone... One of the gals at the insurance company gave me a HUGE tip. We started calling the lens a "supply" and insurance covered it 100% instead of applying the usual rules for vision expenses.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJudi

Yikes! I would absolutely cry if I lost my cochlear. I feel your pain. Those things are not cheap.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

totally can only picture abbott and the chihuahua

pray you find it

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJudie

I got nothin' other than the hope, like everyone else, that it magically turns up. Or magicless accidentally.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArnebya

If it's not found, is there any way to set up a fund for a new bionic ear for Knox? I don't have a lot, but I'd be willing to donate 25 dollars to the cause for this sweetie.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

If it's not found, is there any way to set up a fund for a new bionic ear for Knox? I don't have a lot, but I'd be willing to donate 25 dollars to the cause for this sweetie.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Oh wow, that really sucks. I'm sorry. I remember having to call the insurance company and ask for a new nebulizer because my daughter used it as a potty chair. Thankfully, they just laughed and approved it immediately. I hope you have good luck with that.

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTeri

Don't give up hope! My son lost a hearing aid at school one day. It was 2 hours after we got home that he noticed it was missing. Why? How? Sigh. We scoured the school, talked to everyone, used his other hearing aid to show people what to look for. Then shrugged and hoped for the best, but really expected the worst. When I picked him up the next afternoon I asked to see his remaining hearing aid just for peace of mind. He showed me two. Wha?! He found it after school...under the bench where he waits to be picked up. It sat there overnight and all day waiting for him to come back. And it still worked. I couldn't call the audiologist fast enough to cancel the order for a new one. Yeesh. Kids.

September 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMindydana

Girrrrrl, you need to craft up some "missing" posters, place them all over that damn bus and school and offer a reward and no questions asked.

Perhaps threaten to let Abbott loose to defecate on school property until it's found?

MOVE THESE PEOPLE TO ACTION. Don't make me start a hashtag. Cause I will!

September 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Girl, I would be kicking more than rocks.

Please tell me it was found.

September 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelley @ magnetoboldtoo

Add my voice to the chorus of just how much that sucks. Why do the little tiny easily loseable things have to be the most expensive?

September 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Sorry about that ... what a nuisance!!! It's amazing what goes missing with kids. I swear if their heads could screw off their necks they'd be missing those too.

September 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Bunnage

Did you guys find it? I'm with video surveillance poster...I'd check that out if you can.

September 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Abbott will split the chihuahua in half.

September 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOuting from Lurkdom

Big money on the black market for new ears, I'm guessing?? Sorry, this sucks and even if you get it taken care of it will just be a pain in the ass. Just keep yelling, no one can hear you anyway.

October 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDevon

Glasses, retainers, library books and cell phones used to literally fly off of my children and scatter into the universe...
it is very, very frustrating to be on the receiving end of the "I dunno' it's just gone" shrugs...

Hoping it makes a come back!

October 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharona Zee

Thank you for sharing this post. I actually feel your pain. That medical device is really expensive...

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAbby Ang

Been there, done that, . I hope you find his hearing aid. It sure does suck to lose an expensive medical device. I have been in your shoes before and know what it is like. good luck!

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRyan

Late to the party--hey; I didn't find my schedule until I got home from the ten hour volleyball tournament that I attended with a child who has the attention span of a gnat. Found it at the bottom of the laundry basket that I dumped on my bed because, yeah, that is what my bed is for.

But, seriously, did you find it? Has it been resolved? I am hoping...

October 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Skywalker

Don't most school buses have security cameras on them nowadays? I hope you find it, my little sister "lost" her Ipod in the house and my parents went crazy saying she'd have to pay for it out of her allowance until she found it. Not really the same thing, but i know the feeling of losing something expensive. Good luck, Please write another post soon, i love your blog!

October 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercathy

We miss you and your humour Tanis. I hope all is well, come back soon.

October 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte

I hope all is well in the Miller home and that Knox's hearing aid has shown up. We miss you here on your home page and I send best wishes and hugs to your house. Come back soon.

November 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersuper mommy

Please come back. Hope you and yours are ok.

November 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTeri

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