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Tuesday
Aug132013

Rules of the Road

"Hey Nash, I'm going to the store. Do you want to come?" I asked him as I walked past him while he was shooting hoops and opened the car door to buckle Knox into his seat.

That's when he said the three words I've come to dread.

"Can I drive?"

It's a special time in a parents' life, those months when their kid is gearing up to take their driver's test and are scrounging for as much practice time as possible. And by special I mean 'slightly hellish.' 

Nothing bonds a parent with anxiety issues to their teenaged child more than being trapped inside a metal box with wheels, as your child hurtles you both closer to insanity or death all while trying to remember the rules of the road.

I become less of a parent and more of a screechy adult, clinging to the dash board, the seat, the roof, to anything, all while trying to keep from hyperventilating and bursting into tears.

I pulled Knox's straps tight and sighed heavily.

"Just get in the car kid."

******

"Your foot must be a little heavy today. You're speeding."

"That's a yield sign!"

"Oncoming traffic! Watch out for the oncoming traffic!!"

"Traffic laws aren't suggestions meant to be ignored!"

"Watch for that dog! Don't run over him! The dog! THAT DOG!!"

"A rolling stop isn't a full stop!"

"You can't stop in the middle of a cross walk! You're supposed to stop before it!!"

"You're taking the corner too fast!!"

"That yellow metal thing is commonly referred to as a fire hydrant. You aren't supposed to park in front of it."

"Um, angle parking means park at an angle. You're taking up two stalls."

******

The car lurched to a stop just outside the grocery store. I leaned my head back against my seat, closed my eyes and took a deep breath before looking over at my son.

I love my children, I love my children, I repeat over and over in my head.

"It's not helpful with all the back seat driving."

"I'm just calling it like I see it Mom. You should have let me drive."

 

Ya. Teaching your children how to drive is the BEST thing ever. From now on, I'm just strapping him to the roof until he gets his own car.

Reader Comments (23)

It's so flipping easy to love you.

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

BWAAAAAHAHAHA! Did not see that coming. It must be wonderful living with such an expert.

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commenter"Just" A Mom

I.Am.Rolling. That was the greatest I've read in a long time.
Hilarious.

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

That is awesome. (Oh god, I am only two years away from this moment)

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLana

Hahaha love this

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteralison c

Well, that is just hilarious! And I still grip everything when my mother is behind the wheel...I am 31 and she is 53. Some things never change! :)

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I am not laughing at you, I am laughing with you. *snort, guffaw*

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Jess, I am 53 and my mother is 84 and you can bet your sweet ass I grip everything in sight when she's behind the wheel - it NEVER changes!!!

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie B.

That's too funny!! They become experts very quickly, lol

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Now I can completely see my child doing that. Glad you've forewarned me. The line about "commonly called a fire hydrant," you've raised him very well.

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura in Little Rock

I did NOT see that coming ;) lol

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Oh how I can relate! Lived thru first kid driving & working on #2. Yikes. Good luck to you!

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Love this so much. My back seat driver is 5, and is already questioning if the adults actually know where we are going and that we are driving with in the speed limit. Life will be interesting when he is nearing 16.

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney R.

OMG! that was the best ever! I had no clue, didn't see THAT one coming! You made my night! :)

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEnid

Hahahaha totally thought Morgyn er Nash was driving in that one!! I recall many a similar moment and relinquished those duties to Dad as I likely would have likely sold my daughter Morgyn to the circus had I had to drive with her in the begining any longer. Not sure what was worse though the 16 year old know-it-all-backseat-driver or the 19 year old one??

August 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJacquie

I've got one of those too and he's just read the handbook!

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkyooty

Sounds like you've been in my car! Too true!

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Ah jeez, snorted my coffee...too funny.

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Too cute! Yah that was my son at 16! Gotta love 'em! Mine are all grown and driving now and every time my phone rings at night...I have a little heart attack! ugh!

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrhonda

Too cute! Yah that was my son at 16! Gotta love 'em! Mine are all grown and driving now and every time my phone rings at night...I have a little heart attack! ugh!

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrhonda

Mine passed her driving test a few weeks ago, after 6 months of her driving me around while I kept my eyes closed, teeth gritted and my mouth shut. My teeth are stumps I tell you, stumps!

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Hahahaha...I didn't expect that. I totally feel that way when my kid drives though...

August 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Redneck Princess

Lovely Post !

August 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDolly Navina Lakra
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