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Wednesday
Jun192013

Channeling Tracy Flick

It was the fourth week into grade 7 and I had just turned 12 years old a few days earlier when my homeroom teacher stopped teaching to tell us the time had arrived for student council elections. 

A thrill zipped through me as I envisioned my victory and I started planning my campaign. At lunch, I wandered over to the bulletin board and declared myself a candidate for class secretary, my pen poking a hole through the paper and into the cork underneath as I signed my name. I wasn't particularly interested in being a secretary of any sort and I had no actual idea of what my duties would entail but it was the position with the least amount of candidates running and I figured it was my best bet to win.

I ran the worst campaign. I put up ONE poster. I stammered through my speech. But it didn't matter. I WANTED it. I could taste victory and I was self-deluded and brazen enough to think that a 12-year-old kid with no friends or alliances in a new school I had only been in a month could actually win.

Shockingly, I lost. I didn't just lose. I was annihilated. In a twist of adult cruelty, the vote count was announced for every candidate. I remember my cheeks burning with shame as my homeroom teacher revealed the votes.

Tanis Miller - 1.

One lousy vote out of a school of hundreds. And that lone vote was my own. 

I was crushed.

Source

I could feel my chest tighten and my eyes started to blink rapidly and I was mortified to find myself unable to hold back my tears. I can still taste the humiliation and shame of that moment on my tongue. 

I never, ever, ran for any voting based positions again. One loss was one too many for my fragile deluded ego. 

I buried the memory of my council bid beneath years of other puberty related humiliations and soon enough life had supplied plenty of other cruelties to help me forget my seventh grade shame.

And then, my daughter announced she was running for class president. 

Suddenly I was wearing aqua green eyeliner, picking my zits and trying to avoid being stuffed into a locker all over again.

Ken wasn't worried. She already held the positions of class treasurer and vice president. She was ready to try and tackle the presidency. Her self-confidence never waivered, even when she learned she was running opposite one of the more popular kids in her grade. A kid even I couldn't help but like.

Source

My daughter? She was Tracy Flick. Utterly convinced she was the best candidate for the job.

Me? I couldn't stop hearing the laughter of my classmates ring in my ears as the vote count was read out.

So while my daughter set about campaigning for presidency, making her posters, writing her speech, gathering allies and whatever it is one does during an election, I twitched.

I didn't want my daughter to relive my horror, nor did I want to sully her confidence with my fear. It felt like I was walking on a tight rope over the fires of hell and that's when I knew I had to chill out. My kid would fall and brush herself off or she would succeed. But my loss was not a guarantee of hers.

For the most part, I managed to keep my mouth shut. I helped her craft a few slogans, offered to pay for some poster boards and nodded along as she talked about what her pre-election speech would be. On the surface, I was a levelheaded responsible adult encouraging her daughter to try her best. On the inside, I was stabbing every teenager I encountered with the power of my mind.

Source

"Win with dignity, lose with grace," I would tell my daughter every day. Ken would roll her eyes and sigh "Yes Mom," every time I said it but she didn't realize I wasn't saying it to her. I was saying it for me

I was reliving my grade seven year all over again but this time I was determined not to burst into tears in front of the entire class. 

The morning of the election I wished Ken good luck in her election and I told her how proud I was. How the results didn't matter, only her efforts counted. How her confidence and perseverance amazed me. And it does. I lost one race and never tried again. My kid has been putting herself out there since junior high, despite what anyone thought of her. 

That afternoon, the phone rang. 

"The results are in Mom," she said quietly.

"And???" I asked half believing she won, half fearing she lost.

"I won!" she squealed and my heart sped up and I inhaled sharply. She had done what I never dared attempt.

"Congratulations! You did it!" She yammered on for a few minutes about who won the other races and how the day went and I half listened. It was hard to hear over my inner 12 year old hooting and hollering in a victory dance.

Source

It turns out my daughter wasn't ever Tracy Flick. I was. And like Tracy, I was a big loser. 

I've never been prouder my daughter didn't follow in my footsteps. She isn't anything like me.

She's better.

Congratulations kid. 

Class President 2013. 

Reader Comments (20)

Well done daughter!!!

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjeanie

My goal is to raise my children to be better people than I am. I think you're pretty fantastic to begin with, so you should be sitting pretty from where I'm at. Congratulations to you both.

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

See? Nothing to worry about! It just skipped a generation!
Just kidding - but I hear ya ... loud and clear!
Be proud and congratulations to your daughter!

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAstra

Congratulations to your daughter!

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZemer

so. awesome!

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTarasview

Yeah! You rock for raising her not to be afraid and she rocks for winning.

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGrandemocha

Well done, Ken, and a lovely story, Tanis.

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeonie Robertson

Yay, Ken! Congrats! I know you'll be great as the prez!

Too funny, Tannis! I was just watching Election the other day. I still need to read the book.

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmberJ

Congratulations! What a girl!

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkorinthia

If I had a time machine, I'd go back to your 7th grade year and kick the ass(es) of whatever "grownup" genius thought that it was ok to announce the results with the vote count.

(I have some of my own crap to clean up too, but I'd take care of that first)
xo

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharona Zee

Congrats to Ken on doing such an amazing job and even more congrats to you Tanis for doing the right thing and raising those kids so damn well.

June 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I'd totally vote for her.

June 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterfather muskrat

Aw, way to go! I'm proud of you both. xo

June 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngella

Excellent, and I'm proud of you Mom for not projecting.

June 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkyooty

Congratulations Ken!!! So, this is timely since my son ran for Publicity manager (this is a real job?) on the platform that the ASB was a monarchy stymied by the repressive teachers/principal and that he'd make it duty to tell the kids what was really going on at the Associated Student Body. The teachers wanted to disqualify him for his rabble rousing speech. Turns out, he lost but he won his whole 6th grade class. I am so proud of him!!!
It's so hard not to relive that stuff for me too. You are, as always, awesome Tanis...er, I mean TRACY!

June 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Leeland

Somehow their accomplishments make whatever we succeed at pale in comparison! You're a good mom.

June 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

Congrats!! To both of you... ;D

June 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

The EXACT same thing happened to me in the 9th grade. I'd been there exactly one month...new school, new town, new people, and only one no two friends in the entire school. But I thought I could do it. I ran for President of all things. When the votes were announced at the end of the day, my name was listed as having won!! My two friends started clapping and smiling with me! Oh, my heart was soaring! Then, the embarrassed teenager on the other side of the microphone in the office said, wait, I was reading the ballot NOT the winners. Then my name was read again, only this time it was followed by "3 votes." My friends just looked at me and I felt their pity.My face was a nice shade of cerise. I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. I never did go back to class after that. I waited for the bus to take me home so I could hide my shame in a carton of butter pecan ice cream. I ate the whole thing and then felt even worse.

Your post brought it all crashing back. Thanks alot. I'm going to go to my room and cry now.

June 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBCoan

Isn't that what we all want for our kids? To turn out better than we did? Congratulations, to Ken, and as always, you rock!

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPallavi

Congrats to Ken! But I can't believe how TERRIBLE your school was to announce the votes! Way to shatter a girl's dream! What happened to "It was a really close race" or "either of these candidates would have made a fine addition to student council."

June 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterthe lovely one
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