Be Careful What You Wish For

My husband and I haven't seen each other for 43 days. That's six weeks plus a day for those of you who suck at simple math.

This isn't the longest stretch we've gone without seeing each other, but it's close. In fact, unless he gets home by tomorrow night, which he won't, by the time he does walk through our front door, a new record will have been set.

It's not exactly a record I'm in any hurry to beat.

This legally-married yet still single parenting gig sucks after six straight weeks of yelling at the kids to clean up their bedrooms, stop touching each other, stop breathing in each other's air space and for the love of my sanity quit hiding the Oreo's on one another.

It's not funny when I can't find them dammit.

Last night he texted me to tell me he may or may not be home in time for Mother's day.

"That's really helpful. Which is it? Home by Sunday or no?" I texted back.

"Depends on how things go up here."

"Well things aren't going so well down HERE so I suggest you make it happen and come home."

"Sounds like you miss me."

"I miss having a responsible adult under this roof."

"The kids hid the cookies again didn't they?"

"THEY WONT TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!! The inmates are running the asylum dude!"

"You could persuade me to come home you know."

"I can call and yell at you?"

"NO. I meant, tell me why you MISS me. Give me a little sugar baby."

"YOU NEVER HIDE MY COOKIES!"

"That isn't what I meant Tanis."

"Fine. I miss you. Nixon keeps licking his invisible nuts in bed at night and it is driving me crazy."

"Wow. That's sexy. NOT."

"Sorry. I just meant it isn't the same sleeping next to an asslicker. I'd much rather be cuddled up next to you. You tend to have less gas."

"You are so romantic Tanis."

"I try Boo."

"How bout a picture to remind me of what I have waiting for me when I get home?"

"How about NOT."

"I'm up here working 16 hour days, 7 days a week. Be a good wife. I really miss you."

"And this is why I was pregnant at 20 and unwed. I succumbed to your PEER PRESSURE."

"You enjoyed it."

He had me there. I enjoyed it so much I got pregnant four months later after giving birth to my daughter. Dang him and his memory.

The phone buzzed again.

"Picture please."

"No."

"That toothless 60 year old woman I work with is starting to look good Tanis. I need an intervention."

"Have at 'er. Gummers are awesome."

"THAT IS GROSS TANIS."

"Just sayin'."

"Please?"

"Pretty please?"

"I'll detail your car for you when I get home."

"You'll do that anyways since it'll be mother's day."

"Fine. I'll detail your car, clean the gutters and wash, fold and put away all the laundry."

"Will you also take the garbage to the dump, caulk that window I've been hounding you about, wash the floor behind the stove AND grill a steak for me without whining about it?"

"FINE."

"Okay, hang on. I have to take the picture."

...

"Alright. Here it goes. Me in my glory. This is what you have been missing. I love you Boo."

"GROSS!! THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID SEND ME A PICTURE!!!"

"Just be happy I didn't take one of my legs. I haven't shaved those puppies since I was in Spain. Hurry home Boo. I need some help braiding these hairs."

"Lucky me."

And that is how I keep the romance alive between us.

I've Got The Spirit

It might be time to finally take this down.

In my defense, at least I can say I don't have a plastic Santa Clause and his reindeer still on my roof.

The wind blew those off a few months ago.

Homeownership: It's not just about picking up dog poop and unclogging toilets.

World Wish Day

Today is World Wish Day. Which means if you can rub your tummy with one hand, while patting your head with the other as you simultaneously recite the alphabet backwards, every wish you make today will come true.

Okay, maybe not. But it would be really cool if that were how it worked.

I should totally wish for the coordination to be able to do that. I can barely walk in a straight line without tripping over invisible cracks.

I'd wish for a million money trees to grow in my back yard. And fertile soil to keep them growing.

I'd wish for perkier boobs. And less chin hairs. And the complete eradication of boob whiskers for womankind everywhere.

I'd wish for a stuffed beaver. Not that kind of beaver, you perverts. I want a dead stuffed beaver to put in my living room. But I'd happily take a live beaver and make it into my pet. I'd buy it a spiked collar and call it Hoss.

I'd wish that every time I ate ice cream my teeth wouldn't hurt and my bowels wouldn't explode. It's the little things in life.

I'd probably wish for the ability to fly too, but only because I'm too cheap to pay for airfare and not because I actually have any place to go.

But mostly, I'd wish for one more moment to spend with my son and to never outlive any more of my children.

April 29 is the Make A Wish Foundation's World Wish Day. It's the day, for children all over the world, wishes really will come true. Without any tummy rubbing or head patting although I'm pretty sure some kids would think that was awesome.

Jumby totally loves a good tummy rubbing.

I've written before about how our son Shale was granted a wish, but didn't live long enough to use it. And I've written about Jumby's wish and how important it was, is, to our family that we were able to help make his life a bit better because of his wish.

Click on me. You know you want to.

Wishes are important.

But they aren't free. Which is why I write this. Because if I can guilt, er, persuade any of you to skip the latte today and donate a few dollars to the Make A Wish Foundation, I will.

Think of the children.

Oh look, I'm beating you over the head with pictures of my kids! I have no shame.

Jumby's wish was a small wish, not something significant or very meaningful to most, but to my child it made a world of difference to his quality of life and reminds all of us that wishes can come true, goodness does exist.

For children who live with illness or disability or both, the Make A Wish Foundation is there to give these children and their families something life has often yanked away from them.

Hope. With a side of joy.

One small wish gave my child the chance to dream like every child should be able to.

Dreams do come true. Today's the day for to make them happen.

Thank you Make A Wish Foundation. And thank you everyone who has ever helped make a wish come true. With or without the tummy rubbing.

*If I were handing out wishes, I'd love to grant yours. What would YOU wish for? Curiosity and all...*