Looking For a Hand Out

Note: Updated below...if you can make it that far.

Three times this week, during the quiet hours of the evening, while I have been ensconced in what ever brilliant piece of literature I have been reading (read: Cheesy romance novel describing the penis as a throbbing steel rod of manhood and the vagina as the soft folds of a feminine flower...) the telephone has rang. While this in itself is not unusual, the callers have all been three different telemarketers haranguing me to buy their credit cards, their long distance plans or their vacuums.

Three different times this week, I have been forced to tear myself from said brilliant literature to politely decline their offers. Last week I was inundated twice for different charities. It seems every time the phone rings these days, someone is looking to take my husband's hard earned money off my hands.

Well, now it is my turn to flip the tables. I am sitting behind your computer screen with my hand held out, batting my eyelashes, trying to relieve you of some of your dough. Because after all, I know you are all hiding money trees out in your backyard and you just aren't sharing.

Today is the Global Make A Wish Day for the Make a Wish Foundation. For 27 years this foundation has been granting the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to make their dreams come true.

I have had several opportunities to meet children who have been granted their wishes. A couple little friends of mine wanted nothing more than to go to Disneyland, while another wished for a therapy pool to relax his muscles and relieve the pain in his back and legs. One very special little girl that I had the pleasure of meeting and befriending wanted nothing more than to ride in a fire truck and play firefighter in her home town, some three thousand miles away from where her family currently resided. She missed her old friends and family. Her wish was granted and three weeks later she passed away a happy little girl.

Most of us don't think about the children out in the world fighting their battles with disease, congenital deformities and onset of sudden illness. Occasionally, we are reminded by media, or when we see a child who is obviously ill or handicapped in the supermarket, that there are hundreds of children in our communities who fight a war they won't win, one we will never really understand.

We duly donate a dollar with a purchase at Walmart or McDonalds, drop our spare change in the box next to the register and sometimes we even make monthly donations on our credit cards if we are fortunate enough to have the cash to spare. But do you ever think about the child that would benefit from your generosity?

I never did. I just did it out of obligation, some small guilt that niggled at the back of my conscience, thankful that it wasn't one of my children that needed such services.

Until one day it was.


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Then it became a whole different ballgame. I was thrust into a world where there was so much need, and not enough money to fill those needs. Hell, if I had to donate to every charity for every diagnosis my darling son received, my husband and I wouldn't have been able to diaper the little dude.

But in the course of his life I met many children who had such health problems it staggered my soul.  Some children never leave the hospital in the course of their short lives, others like my Bug, could go home only to return days or weeks later. It is as though there is an invisible chain tethering them to the damn hospital.

As a parent it is easy enough to forget that your child is a child when you are struggling with their health. Worrying about whether they have the opportunity to play in the sand on a sunny day is not high on the priority list when you have medications, therapies and appointments just to keep that child alive, with you one more day. The stress of having a medically challenged child in a home takes it's toll on every one, not just child.

But a sick child is still a child, as my Bug's laughter would often remind me. And every child deserves a dream. Sadly, the severely ill child often does not have the simple benefit of health to be able to chase their dreams like most children. They simply lack the time.

Bug was granted a wish. I was honored and yet dismayed, for I realized that this meant he really was fragile. It was a harsh reminder of just how fleeting his life might be. But it was an amazing gift that would not only benefit my sick child, but my two small others, so often overlooked because of their baby brother.


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Boo and I decided to make the cliched trip to Disneyland. Shalebug was especially fascinated with people stuffed inside mascot costumes and he loved the thrill of the more gentle rides. We would take Fric and Frac and create the memories a child could dine on for an eternity. It would have benefited the whole family.


 


Sadly, Bug's time ran out, and his wish was not granted.


 


But I still sit here, smiling pretty, asking you to think of all the children out there who may never have an opportunity to embarrass themselves on national television to chase their dreams of stardom. I'm asking you to think of the kids who will never get to run the diamond of a baseball field, or sit in the bleachers next to their parents who are chugging back the beer.


I want to remind you there is so much out there most of us take for granted on a daily basis; normal everyday things like going on a class field-trip to the fire-hall to sit in the fire truck and then eat icecream with twenty other kids with sticky fingers and silly grins.


 


The people with the Make a Wish Foundation haven't forgotten.


 


Please consider supporting them. I'll even jump through hoops of fire, naked, if that's what it takes to make you donate.


 


Now I'm standing up and brushing the dirt off my knees. This begging stuff is hard on a girl's back.


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Update: The sands in the hour glass have slipped through the glass and it is no longer April 29. While I'm still sitting here with my palm out, looking to grab your cash, I understand a lot of people don't have the means to support a charity of any type while struggling to make the bills. I do ask, however, that you think of the kiddies out there who aren't as fortunate and as healthy as most of ours. Sometimes the simple kindness of a smiling stranger is all it takes to make their dream come true.

Now I'm coming down from my soap box (albeit with absolutely no grace or dignity left intact) and I'll be back tomorrow with the funny. But I wanted to thank all of you who took the time to remember my Bug, and donated. It's not too late. I, er, they will take your money anytime!! Thank you so much for allowing me to hit you over the head with my personal two by four. Your generosity and support is amazing.

Man of Many Surprises

Boo and my ten year anniversary is barreling down upon us like a baby buggy let loose on a hill. You would think after this many years of marriage and countless others mooning over one another, there would be very few surprises left to discover about one another.

After all, I know the man has the worst smelling gas which he enjoys storing up and letting loose in honor of being in my presence, generally in the marital bed.

He knows that I am the world's biggest bitch if you put mayonnaise on any food that I am preparing to eat. Especially sandwiches. I have been known to hurl a Subway sub at his head if I discover that gross white lard on my bread. Touching stuff...

I cry during the most inappropriate times, while he laughs uncomfortably like a hyena. He loves shoot 'em up movies and chick flicks. I love spaghetti westerns and British comedies.

He's a Ford man and I'm, well, I'm all about how cool a vehicle looks.

He likes all things vanilla, while I love the chocolate. I am a dipper while he is a scooper of dips. Somehow we make things work.

He's been home since Saturday night and the kids and I have hung on him like burrs on a dog. Yesterday he had to finally pick us off and kiss us goodbye. He will be gone for another month and this time, he will be too far away to rescue my sorry ass if the power goes out, the water runs dry or I drive myself into another ditch.

In other words, I better start wearing low-cut tops and making nice with the boys next door.

Boo hates leaving almost as much as we hate to see him go. It's always an emotional time, made worse with the knowledge that neither one of us are going to be completely happy until we have each other to pester, poke and ridicule once more.

Lately I have been pestering him for another pet. I'd like a cat for outside and a bird for the family room. He is adamant about no more pets. Apparently, Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog. Ever. is all the pet my man can handle. No amount of my whining or setting the kids upon him will loosen his resolve.

Yesterday, when he was on the road to his next hotel room, he called me and told me to go outside and check my driver seat. So I trundled off, curious to see what my husband left for me, half thinking it was a melted candy bar or the remnants of a Happy meal.

Instead, to my eternal joy and delight, was a picture of the newest members of my family, to arrive in ten days.

Meet Karen and George.


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Front loading LG steam washer and dryer in candy apple red.

Definitely better than a bird. (But I'm still aiming for a cat.)

Illustrations of Parenting at it's Finest

Once upon a time, I went to an overpriced house of education, worked my little (yes, it WAS little) ass off and earned a degree in journalism. A degree I like to hang in my closet so that it may collect dust. Which is about the extent of how much I actually use said degree.


During my journey to become the world's most useless journalist, I picked up a course (or four or five) in photography. Those courses taught me many things about the art of photography and the inner workings of a camera. What they didn't teach me was the common sense not to take nude photos to give to your husband so he wouldn't forget about you and then oneday threaten to post said photos on the internet to prove a lousy point.


I digress.


Because I have bought a camera or two in my time, and have taken a picture or two in my day, my friends and family often turn to me when buying a new camera. Which, of course amuses me to no end and feeds my God complex, but hey, who am I to refuse their pleas for help?


The latest in a long line of people to pick my brain on camera qualities (which I really know ABSOLUTELY nothing about) is Boo's eldest sister. A formidable beauty who awes me daily with her wit and charm. So when she asks, I obey. (That and I'm scared silly of her. She could snap me like a twig.)


Yesterday evening I was poring over my notes and articles I had compiled in my efforts to find her the best camera to fit her family's needs. My son wandered over and asked what I was up to.


"I'm doing homework."


"You don't go to school, Mom." Said with a loud sigh and big rolling of the eyeballs.


"Your Most Beautiful and Intelligent Aunt has asked me to help her buy a new camera. I don't want to get it wrong and then be known as the Twit Who Told Her To Buy A Piece Of Crap. My reputation depends on my choice."


"Oh," Frac says, clearly unimpressed and unconcerned with his mother's impending Twit status.


"Why don't you go play video games, or, I know, better yet, why don't you go clean your bedroom? You're making me nervous breathing over my shoulder like this," I whined ordered.


Frac laughed while rolling his eyes and completely ignored me. See how I command the fear of Doom in my children?


"You must know a lot about cameras, right Mom?"


"I know a little about cameras. Mostly how to turn them on and off. When I went to school they taught me to always take the lens cap off. Why do you ask?" I was still ignoring him at this point, trying to figure out how I could avoid being labeled a TWIT by my formidable sister in law.


"Well, you took all those naked pictures of yourself and they turned out really good. You need to be a pretty good photographer to do that, right?" Frac innocently says.


He has my full attention now. "How do you know about any naked photos?" I screech.(It's not like I took them and then asked my kids to help me decide which ones I liked best. Sheesh, people.)


"I heard Dad on the phone. Telling all his buddies that you were going to lose a bet and he would get to post the pictures you gave him on the net."


"Well, ya, but they're not naked pictures, Frac," I hurried to cover. "They are just nice pictures of me in a dress. That's all."


Cue the eyerolling. He's not stupid.


"Then why did Dad call them nudies?" By now Frac knows he has me by the short hairs.


I stammered and stuttered and envisioned ways of killing my husband creatively and painfully.


"Does this mean you are going to be famous? Will you take us to Disneyland then?" he asks, ever so naively and hopefully.


Yes, that is exactly what it means. If those photos make it up on the net, you can bet your ass I'm going to Disneyland.


Because I will be on the run for murdering my husband. I just haven't decided if I am taking the kids with me for the ride.