about Attack of the Redneck Mommy
RNM HOME ARCHIVES BEST OF RNM PRESS CHARITIES
Looking for something specific? SEARCH RNM.  
back to Tanis Miller
Tuesday
Jul072009

I'm Too Sexy For Anyone Who Isn't Visually Impaired

So my internal clock is a wee screwed up after making the switch to Pacific time after living my entire life on Mountain Standard time.

Which meant I woke up this morning thinking I over slept and it turns out it was only 6 a.m. Farcklenuts. I would have crawled back into bed but I was sharing it with a kitty who liked to lay on my head and while that may sound sensual and arousing, I was a little tired of breathing in pussy hair.

(Oh google pervs, I live to serve you. I can't help myself with the innuendo.)

So what does one do when one is up before the roosters crow and the entire house hold remains asleep except for one teeny tiny three year old who is determined to make as much noise as possible so everyone rub the sleep out of their eyes prematurely?

If one is me and has no sense of shame, one opens up the laptop computer and turns on the camera.

Welcome to my life on the road.

I hope Motherbumper and Herbadmother are enjoying their restful slumber.

Bitches.

photo-2


photo-3


photo-4


photo-6



I would like the record to show that it's damn early in the morning, I haven't had a shower yet and there may be a distinct odour wafting up from my underarms.  Yet I am throwing vanity (and common sense) out the window to show you how a true redneck auntie bribes a child into silence in the early morning so her friends can get their beauty sleep.

Yes, I threw myself on the altar of self-sacrifice this time and dammit, I'd better get a cookie for it later on today.
« Proof Positive That I'm Super Bendy | Main | Road Trip Fever!!! »

Reader Comments (47)

You are the bestest friend any mommy could hope for!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie in Memphis

Everyone should have an auntie like you.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersweetsalty kate

Which one is your normal facial expression? My guess is photo #3.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatthew

I'm near Seattle. My kids need an auntie like you... wait. IIIIIII need an auntie like you... I mean I need for MY kids to have an auntie like you. *rubs eyes*

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjennyonthespot

This is the cutest set of photos EVER. And you look great, shut up.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterjenB

You are both gorgeous! I love the photos (and the fact that you let your friends sleep. I miss sleep!)

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJody

Ah! A couple of angel faces!

Hope the rest of your adventure is fantastic!

Awesome! You can come babysit my monkeys anytime!
btw - "google pervs" love the phrase! After one innocent post on Giada from Everday Italian (cooking show) I get a kick out of how many folks land on my site by googling "italian boobies" whoo hoo!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim Houser

I would LOVE some sleep. What are you guys doing Saturday morning? Anywhere near Windsor?

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGrandeMocha

Okay seriously? Big props for posting morning pics! I know some certain people who would NEVER! To them I say "psshhhht" cause I totally would too. :)

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHilly

I'll give you a cookie. And by that I mean my penis.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvitable

that is true friendship and by the way Revelstoke is the bestest stop on the route for a pee or anything really. Have fun in the naughty seat.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhabanerogal

You are truly a gem and queen of the roadtrip. Awesome photos!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

In the second one you kind of look like the scary lady who kidnaps and terrorizes little Penny in Disney's The Rescuers.

Check it out, third picture down on the page: http://preview.tinyurl.com/ncdfnb

Y'know what though? Somehow still gorgeous!!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

That settles it. You can come on vacation with us.

Someone needs to watch the little jackasses so we can get it on.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmo

I hope they make it a big cookie. With extra chocolate chips.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMommaSunshine

She's adorable and you, clearly, are the auntie of the year. Where were you when I needed you?

Hell woman, you deserve a whole cake for that, not just a cookie.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIssa

Go you! Taking one for the team! :)

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTatiana

If I'm ever lucky enough to have kids you can most definitely be the cool auntie...lol underarm odor and "awesome" hair included ;) And there just may be cookies involved lol

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLoural

Oh you are one HOT MAMA!! Looks like you both had a good morning. Early... but good. :)

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSugar Jones

I'm sorry but you just look way too good for first thing in the morning. I'm not sure if we can still be friends.

OK, OK, we can still be friends, but only because your co-conspirator is so cute!

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJellyhead

Hey, I know that kid.

Did she bring her Buzz Lightyear suit?

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Britt

You are obviously a great friend. :D

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarla

That is some AWESOME bedhead. I feel like I need to have a bedhead contest with you.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Tutugirl

Not many of us can look that good early in the morning. And you are awake and having fun.

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTechnobabe

Yer so purdy!! Glad the roadtrip is going well. :)

July 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMomma Trish

Farklenuts?

MARRY ME.

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMr Lady

Too cute! Hope y'all have a grand time! You need to head south one of these days...and I mean Deep South.

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBennie

Where these before or after coffee?

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Peach Tart

LOL! You look so cute. How do you do that so early?

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer McKenzie

Way to take one for the team. You rock.

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJo

If it wasn't the most dyketastic thing in the world to say, I would say you are smoking hot. Which reminds me, in my neverending quest to blog-stalk you, I mentioned you in my blog again today (I am thinking of changing the name of it to: IWouldTotallyCrossTheLineforRedneckMommy.com- do you think it's too long?).

And now we know what keeps Boo comin' back for more...you're totally hot in the morning ;)

July 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

It's so not fair that they have that much energy and look that good at the butt-crack-of-early!!! You look pretty good too, though. I pretty much have Medusa hair so....yea. You should get the whole batch of cookies....seems fair!

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKari C

Shoot, I'D post MY morning picture next to that little peanut's smile!

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertracey

It depends what sort of cookie you want. I claim all chocolate chip cookies for myself, but I'm sure we can find some oatmeal cookies around here somewhere for you...

those pics looks really good with awesome morning u had ... hehe

btw few pics scared me, lol

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTelephone systems

Great pics made me laugh!!!

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Poor kid doesnt stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever being NoRMal

LOL

July 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlarrylily

What you *really* need is to learn how to make balloon animals.. then, not only can you entertain the 3yo in the wee morning, you can also exact revenge on the sleeping ones ;)

July 10, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpboud

Love your glasses. You two make a pretty cute pair!

July 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRhonda

For the love of God, woman. I haven't slept in for about 11 years. Get your ass over here. My kids need an auntie.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMomo Fali

Well, I can see everyone else is trying to hog your auntie services. Now instead of just seeming needy and pathetic and playing on your sympathies I will have to come up with something far better like throwing money at you or offering to bribe you with my husband's fabulous cooking or perhaps foot rubs. Hmm. I'll keep working on it.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

YOU HAVE TO COME TO KELOWNA....or you're cross Canada trek is all for nothing...it's the shit. Me and my kids will hook you up for realz, email me if you're in :D

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLegs

The world needs more true redneck women!

July 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Urban Cowboy

Luckily for you, computers are smell-less. And the uber-cute kiddo more than makes up for your bedhead. :-)

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>